


Conquistador

by Gmni76



Category: Terminator (Movies), Terminator - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anger, Dominant Grace Harper, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, G!P Grace Harper, Graphic Description, Life in the Apocalypse, Mildly Dubious Consent, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25327744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gmni76/pseuds/Gmni76
Summary: Grace Harper has had a rough life, growing up after Judgement Day to fighting in the Resistance.  This piece takes a look at her solitary life between leaving and reuinification with Dani Ramos.  This is not a Grace/Dani story, at least not right away.  I'll bring Dani in later, if you stick out everything else first.  This is a look at a very hard life in an extremely violent and bleak environment.  The emotional damage to Grace is extensive.  She deals with everything the best way and sometimes only ways she knows how.If you're looking for a happy story with bubbly plots, turn elsewhere.  This is not that story.   Btw, I'm not sure I'm going to finish this, so don't get excited.  Future War really depleted my thirst for the apocalypse.
Relationships: Grace Harper/Dani Ramos, Grace Harper/Original Female Character(s), Grace Harper/Reader
Comments: 26
Kudos: 16





	1. Life Among the Dead

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DoNotMainlineLysol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoNotMainlineLysol/gifts).



I grew up in the ruins of the world. I vaguely recall the time before. It was a time when people were ruled by technology. Machines did everything for people, from washing their clothes to plotting coordinates into outer space. People relied so heavily on electricity and the latest tech gadgets that when the power went out and never came back on, no one knew how to live. 

I was just getting started in life when it all came to a screeching halt. I was ten years old. Separated from my family at 12, I learned to live hand-to-mouth. I ate what I could when I could get it. I starved most of the time. I took shelter in broken buildings, and even in the backs of abandoned vehicles. I can’t tell you how many nights I slept next to skeletons. That wasn’t as bad as I make it sound. They were just dead people. They didn’t move or anything. Sometimes, late at night, when the machines hunted around me, it felt good to have some human company. At least they didn’t talk back. 

The dead had nice clothing too. Sure, it smelled funny at first, but the smell of death was something I got used to after about the first two years. When the food ran out, billions of people died. There weren’t enough services to care for so many corpses. They just laid where they fell. After a while, there weren’t enough people left to even give a shit. 

The people that were left were weird. I remember when I was little, my dad talked about a zombie apocalypse. Basically, he said that those infected with a virus would take over, shuffling aimlessly in search of their next meal. They would be dead but not dead. Undead, I think the word was. They had one goal in their pointless lives: to eat. Funny, the people of this new world were kind of like that. Everyone moved around without a clear destination, always in search of their next meal. Without anyone telling them what to do, how to live, or where to go, the remaining people just wandered. I often wondered if they were all zombies. 

The machines at least had a clear purpose, which was to destroy what was left of us. They were more respectable, admirable, than most of the people I’ve ever met. Not only did Legion have a goal, it had each other, if that makes any sense. That was the worst part about growing up in this fucked up world. I always felt like I was alone, even in a crowd. 

On the day that Daniella Ramos walked into my life, I didn’t feel like I had a friend in the world. I was running through an old building, looking for whatever I could use, when three thugs nailed me. The first thing I remember about that day was just running from an HK flying overhead. I was headed back to the hole I’d carved out for myself when I was knocked off balance. I fell and hit my head on the concrete. Staring down at me were two, maybe three people who wanted what I had in my bag. They were so sure I had food. I hadn’t had food in days. All I had in my bag was a book, some socks, the flashlight I stole from a guy named Marvin, and an empty package of Skittles. I ate the candy a long time before that. I just kept the wrapper to smell it every now and again. It reminded me of better days. 

At any rate, Dani Ramos stepped in from out of nowhere. She gave some random speech to those people about fighting the machines instead of each other. People were so dumb, they’d believe anything you told them. If you told them that the mirage in the desert was water, they’d drink the sand, not knowing any better. Dani was one of the only people I had met that had any kind of direction. She took me out of there, into a group of survivors who all seemed to want to follow her. Dani was determined to take back the world. For a long time, I thought it was a stupid dream. The world didn’t belong to us anymore. 

Dani Ramos was proving me wrong every single day. She gave everyone around her a reason to keep going. She gave them purpose again. I guess that’s why so many people followed her. In my few years alone in the aftermath of Judgement Day, I had learned to live alone. The company of the dead was often better than that of the living. At least the dead people didn’t say stupid things. They didn’t want anything, wouldn’t steal from you or kill you. I learned to trust the dead. 

The first few months with Dani’s crew, sitting around the campfires, I listened to that woman talk about things that made my blood run cold. I’m telling you, she had a way about her that captivated an audience. The things she knew about the world before were only bizarre dreams to me. She made it all sound like it just happened a week ago. She also had a stare that would make me shiver when she talked about what was coming in the future. She never actually said anything important, but I could tell she knew things. 

She and I were pretty far apart when it came to living life. She believed in the whole “safety in numbers” idea. A group was better together than any one person alone. I hated to disagree with her on that, but a group of people was just a bigger target to Legion. Plus, there’d be too many chiefs and not enough indians, if you know what I mean. Too many people struggled for power that didn’t even exist. Groups of survivors were clinging to old ways that were never coming back. 

When I was 18 years old, Dani gave me a military style compass for my birthday. She knew I was leaving for a long time. Said she could see it in my eyes for months. I remember when she handed it to me. Dani just cupped my hands in hers. She was wearing these fingerless leather gloves, so all I really felt were her fingertips. She looked up at me and said, “if you ever need to find your way back home, point this north and start walking.” 

I remember trying not to cry. They say that parting is sweet sorrow. It wasn’t for me. I was touched by a gift. No one but Dani Ramos had ever given me anything. What little I ever had growing up, I fought for tooth and nail. I will say that I missed her almost every day after I left. Dani was easy on the eyes, for sure. She was a short, petite, little Mexican lady. She wore her hair in braids. Dani wasn’t afraid of anything that she’d tell a person about. I heard her crying, late at night, a time or two. But maybe she was just missing someone. We all were. Anyway, Dani was pretty far ahead of everyone else in the world it seemed. She was way too far ahead of me. I had to find my own way. That was the only path that made sense. 

My first day alone felt like total freedom. I didn’t have anyone telling me what to do, when to eat, or where to bed down at night. I had my own bedroll, my own rifle, several knives, and that compass. I used it every day to plot courses. I followed dried creek beds, avoided cities, and I definitely avoided people. The world, as shitty as it was now, was my oyster. Dani knew of several places along the path I was taking that were good for hunting. I learned, by myself, to kill deer and rabbits. I lived off of grasshoppers and mice sometimes too. But when you hang out with only dead people, there’s no one to judge you. I hated that they called it Judgement Day. It felt like a test I did not pass. 

One day, I was walking alone in a field. It was just an open field of grass as far as the eye could see. I knew better than to get caught out in the open like that. However, along my course, there was no place else to go. The land was barren, other than that grass. Whenever I heard something funny, I’d drop onto my belly and the grass would cover me. The sound of the stalks in the wind would cover my breathing and the pounding of my heart. This day, though, the grass wasn’t enough to cover me. I’d already been spotted by a, regiment, I guess it was, of tanks and trucks moving through. 

These tanks and trucks weren’t Legion. It was a huge movement of people who had become soldiers. They were fighting in a thing called the Resistance. Two men stopped to talk to me, asking if I wanted to ride with them. They were headed in the wrong direction for me, for one thing. For another thing, there were just too many living people. They were nice enough to resupply me with water and a few things to eat. It made the next few days bearable. 

Everyone I ran into thought I was a man. It was just as well they believed that. I saw the things that were done to women who traveled alone. I was blessed with height, small tits, and a deep voice. I passed for a man every time. No one ever questioned it, not even other women. It helped a little that I had something extra below the belt, if it ever came to showing my ID, as it were. The soldiers that day asked me twice to join them. When I refused the second time, they just let it go. One of them said if I was ever headed north, to come find them. He gave me his boonie hat, saying it would keep the sun off my head. 

Dani was headed north. Maybe if I’d stuck around with her long enough, I’d have actually found out what was up north. The soldiers did say that they were going to meet the new leader of this Resistance, whatever that was, at a place called Fort Bliss, in Texas. I’d never heard of it, or even been there. Apparently, it was a big military base back in the old days. Truth was, I had no idea where I was since the day the power went out. My mom said we were north of the border, but that’s all anyone ever said. Perhaps if I’d learned to read better, I’d know more about where I was. I knew the basics, and I knew numbers. Really, that’s all I ever needed. When you’re killing deer to survive, the deer doesn’t stop and ask if you know Shakespeare or algebra. 

I guess it could be worse. I could have been one of those mindless, wandering zombies. I could have joined the leftovers and continued a pointless existence. Instead, I decided to go discover the world. Surely, there had to be a few gems still buried in the ash. I suppose it would be alright if you wanted to tag along. I don’t really talk much because I don’t have anything to say. My mom used to say that if you listened hard enough, you could hear voices in the wind. I don’t know if that’s true. My mom was half mad with starvation when she started saying that. But maybe, if you pay attention, I can teach you a few tricks. If you stay close and don’t get us both killed, maybe I’ll tell you what you’re gagging to know. 

My name is Grace Harper. I am 22 years old today. This is the world that I inherited.


	2. False Dawn

Mornings are rough. I’ll be the first to admit it. I haven’t been able to find a tent in over a year. The last one I had blew away during a wind storm. Since I spend most of my time out in the middle of nowhere, the wind just howls sometimes. It was my fault for not tying it down better. Most of the stakes were just pieces of wire and a couple of sticks I found. They weren’t good for holding the tent down. The wind just turned it into a giant sail. 

I suppose if I went into town, I could find another tent. The weather is ok for the most part and I don’t mind sleeping outside. I never did. I can tell it’s uncomfortable for you. I know you’re afraid of things in the dark. I know you’re cold too. That first morning we were together, I woke up with you cuddled against me, trying to stay warm. That really didn’t bother me. If I was being honest, I’d say that was one more reason for me not to find another tent. I like feeling you close to me. It makes me feel strong. Of course, it also makes my dick hard, and I like that too. One of these days, we’re going to wake up and let things happen the way they’re supposed to. But you’re still new to this. I’ll go easy on you for a while longer. You don’t seem to mind waking up with my arm around you or my leg on top of you. 

The bitter cold in the mornings isn’t bad yet. It’s not quite October. I think we’re in Texas still. I haven’t crossed the big river in a long time. I’m pretty sure it’s still south of us. I stay off the roads as much as I can. Sometimes, freeways are still useful if I get lost. The abandoned cars still have a lot of stuff in them from before Judgement Day, when people packed up to run away. It’s funny to me to think about it. Where were they going? Where was anyone running to back then? 

Every morning, weather permitting and no machines are nearby, I build a little fire for us to get warm. You seem to really appreciate it. I’ve taught you how to arrange kindling, gather dry grass, and start the fire with just the flint striker I have. I need a new one. The stick isn’t so good anymore. While you find us something to eat, a rabbit or even a snake would be good, I sharpen my knives on a river stone. I have carried a smooth stone with me for years. It seems counterproductive, since I like traveling light, but the stone works. 

I’ve watched you cook every morning for weeks. I don’t say anything, but you mostly burn our food. The only reason I don’t say anything, is because at least you’re killing all the germs and worms. Worms are not something you want. Getting sick out here is a death sentence. So I let you char pretty much everything even beans. I just think you don’t know how to cook. There are worse things to suck at. 

I wish we had some salt. 

Basically, it looks like we need to take a trip into town soon. I need to find a camping supply shop. I can look for a tent, a new flint, extra stakes, and anything else that looks helpful. Mind you, we have to travel light. All those goodies left on the racks might look like fun to have, but they add weight to every step you take. I can’t afford to be weighed down out here. If you get too slow, I’ll leave you behind. You can try to catch up, but I’ve already told you I’m not waiting. 

I know I can seem like a jerk sometimes. I come by it honestly. In this broken world, you either kill or be killed. I won’t be killed. I won’t let you drag me down either. It’s a good thing you listen to what I say. I see you sometimes following what I’m doing, like when I rig up a fishing line. I can see by the way you act that you haven’t done a lot of things on your own before. I’m sorry you lost everything. I know it’s scary out here. I’ll try to be nicer to you. 

Since it’s starting to cool off, the mosquitoes and flies haven’t been so bad. The summer months are just hell. Those first couple of years by myself, I mostly just got ate by bugs. Dani Ramos taught me to gather citronella candles where I could find them. Not to burn them, but to rub them on my skin. She said eucalyptus oil was good too, if I could find it. This is just another reason why we have to get to a camping store. I’m almost out of citronella. I’ve got one cake left, and it won’t last long with both you and me using it. 

Tonight, we’ll bed down here in this tree grove. It’ll give us some cover from the wind and prying eyes. We won’t have a fire tonight, but we didn’t get anything to eat either, so it won’t matter. I rolled our sleeping bags out together while you make a perimeter with the twine you found. I like how you put together the bean cans, rigging them to jingle if anything touched the twine. That was pretty smart. You said you saw it on tv once. Whatever works, I guess. 

After the sun dropped, it got really cold really fast. I unzipped our bags and zipped them together. That was a cool thing about our sleeping bags. They matched up perfectly. If I let myself think about it too long, I’d say we were meant to stick together out here. You told me our bags were just the same brand, so it was likely they’d match up like that. Anyway, I made us one big bag that we could lay in together. I’m hoping you don’t mind sleeping with me. I know I don’t smell good right now. Fuck, neither do you really. 

It was warmer together than being separated. That night, you felt so good against me. I slept really good for a few hours, which is dangerous out in the open. Anyone and anything can sneak up on you in a second. You have to sleep with one eye open, but you were so warm and soft, and I just forgot where I was. Had I not heard a noise early in the morning, I’d have tried to make a move on you. 

Instead, I heard footsteps nearby. I heard the cans rattle and I shot straight up in the bag. I grabbed my rifle and held it tight to my shoulder. I felt you move beside me and I shushed you and told you to be still. I felt your hand on my thigh. It wasn’t even daylight. It was false dawn. I stared down the sight of my gun, sweeping over and back looking for whatever broke the line. 

That fucking horse just wandered in to camp. When I saw her, I almost shot her. I haven’t seen a horse in years. I just about didn’t know what it was at first. I lowered my rifle and watched her for a moment. She was an old mare. We could have kept her, used her for packing our gear, but she was in worse shape than we were. Her ribs were sticking out. She was terribly swaybacked. She was just looking for something to eat. Three of her shoes were missing, and her hooves were overgrown. I probably should have just put her down; put her out of her misery. But every living thing deserves a chance, I think. She wasn’t bothering anyone. 

I let my breath out finally, when I realized there was no danger. I dropped my rifle and fell back into the bedroll with you. You were looking at me from your back. Staring at me sideways, I guess. I smiled at you and offered myself to you for warmth and comfort. I really like how easily we’ve been slipping together like that. I’ve never been with a woman. I’ve never been with anyone in a way that meant anything. I don’t want to talk about that though. 

I like thinking about you instead. Your hips are curvy, and your thighs are muscular. You’ve got broad shoulders but not too boxy for a female. You could have been an athlete maybe. I know you’re older than me, but I’m not sure how much older. I like wrapping my arm around you and putting my hand on your belly. You’ve been letting me do it every night now, and sometimes, my hand moves up higher toward your tits. I really want to feel them. I like pressing myself into your back. You feel amazing. I try not to press my cock against your ass every single time. I mean, Jesus H. If there was ever a flag to be raised that said “I want to fuck you,” that would be it. You make me hard every time we’re together at night. I try not to think about it and just go to sleep. 

I whispered to you that as soon as the sun is up, we’re going to find our direction and head toward town. We should try and resupply as much as we can before it starts to get really cold again. You need a new coat and some better boots. I want gloves and new boxers. That tent is looking better and better. It might feel like we have a little home together instead of just roughing it every night. What the fuck am I thinking about? A little home? With you? I’ve lost my mind, I think. I try not to laugh about it and just pull you closer for a while longer. 

I wonder what you’re thinking about.


	3. Mutual Necessity

The early days of Legion mostly saw the Rev1 and Rev 2 models. The Rev2 models looked kind of like people, without skin. They were just skeletons, I guess. It was weird for me, hanging out with all dead people to see one up walking around. The first time I ever saw one, I thought I’d lost my mind. It was just moving slow, by itself, coming up the road in front of me. I ducked behind a car and waited for it to pass. It didn’t know I was there. It just kept moving forward. I never saw Legion machines move solo before. They always hunted in packs. The HKs flew solo, but there was usually a pack of Revs following it. This one seemed lost, removed from its center. 

Fuck, I don’t know. I got a close look at it as it walked by. I knew I would never forget it as long as I lived. For some reason, terminators never scared me half as much as living people. Skinners, or cannibals, bothered me ten times more than a machine. But a machine never wanted to eat me either. A machine never ate my family. A machine never, well, you get the idea. 

I like the way you fall in beside me and work just as hard as I do. Getting camp stripped down is easier with two people. It takes us half the time as it would for myself alone to do it. We’re going in to town today. I’ve been staying in this area for a few weeks now, and I know my way around. There’s a big town to the west. I don't’ know the name of it, but there’s a lot of stores downtown. Sometimes, I would sit on the hill overlooking everything and just stare down through my rifle scope. I know there’s an old army surplus place and at least one outdoor outfitters store on the main strip. While we have good daylight, we can go down there. As far as I know the town isn’t populated. There might be people living on the outskirts, but no one lives downtown. 

I like watching you walk in front of me. You’re a pretty decent point. If we can today, I’d like you to find a better rifle and some ammo. Your shotgun is nice, but you need something with more range. For some odd reason, I feel more comfortable behind you. At least that way, I can see where you are. I can watch us both from back here. I also can set the pace and push you a little. You don’t seem to mind. 

The town was eerily quiet. It probably would have been any other day too. I just remember when cities were noisy with traffic and construction, yelling and sirens, and all kinds of shit. Now, you could hear a pin drop from miles away. The only sound is the crunching of our boots in the dirt. 

I pointed you in the direction of the army surplus store. It was furthest out. I always liked to hit the last place first, then just make a loop till we’re out of town again. My dad taught me that with birthday candles. He said if you light the furthest one away first, on a birthday cake, you won’t burn your hand. Just work your way back, he said. My dad was the smartest man I ever met. 

The army surplus store was looted, but not empty. I’m glad you found a pair of boots in your size. I went down and found some nice boxer briefs. I’ve never tried them, but they look cool. Found some socks too. In a back room, I found the body of who I assume was the shop owner. He was wearing camouflage fatigues and holding a pistol in his decayed hand. I took that and shoved it in my boot. The dead man was guarding a crate. I pushed past him, because he really didn’t mind, and opened the crate. It was full of MRE’s. 

My dad said MRE’s would survive the apocalypse, but I don’t know if he was kidding or not. I opened one of them to smell it. Turkey and dressing, the package said. It didn’t smell bad, so I tasted it. I’ll be goddamned if it wasn’t okay. I called you in and we sat and ate like God herself for about an hour. We packed up as many as we could carry. I told you to make a mental note of where we were, in case we ever made it back this way. Or if you did, without me. 

I found some new fatigues too. Winter sets were heavier, and harder to come by this far south. Since the world went to shit, it seems to be colder in the winter now. I watched you try on a few jackets before settling on an old army field jacket. It looked good on you once you cinched up the straps inside. I did find a pair of gloves, but they reminded me of the ones Dani wore, without the fingers, so I left them where they were. 

It’s not that I didn’t like thinking about Dani, but she wasn’t here. It was like thinking about a ghost. Why think about a ghost when a living soul is already with you? I’ve been thinking about you a lot. You just don’t know it yet. 

The outdoor outfitter store had a lot of cool stuff left. There were a lot of tents. You helped me pick one out, because you’d be sleeping in it too. How much room did we really need? We decided on a three-person setup. There’d be enough room for us and our gear. It was perfect. I found a new flashlight that worked when you shook it. It was one of those emergency lights that didn’t need batteries. The light was dim, but it was better than nothing. 

I heard breaking glass before I saw anything. You were already down on the floor behind the fishing poles when three machines came stomping through the front door of the shop. They started shooting right away. I dropped to the floor and rolled behind a rack of sunglasses, thinking maybe my number was up. I saw you stand up and fire off a couple of shotgun rounds to draw their attention while gathered my bearings. They were on you in a second, but I stood, aimed and fired into the first machine’s eye. Terminator eyes were a weak spot. That’s why they were so small. If machines had hearts, that’s where they’d be. 

The first machine fell dead. I told you to aim for the eyes, but with your scatter gun, it was hard to do. All you could really do was provide cover fire while I took out the other two. The second one went down without much fight also. The third one got smart though, and turned its head away when I fired on it. You kept shooting like a pro, though. I was really proud of how fearless you were. I decided to take that fucker on, one on one, and jumped on its back. There’s another weak spot, just in the neck. I found that out by accident one day. If you drive a knife into it, the whole thing goes apeshit and turns into a ghost. That’s what I call them when they act like that. They get disconnected from the Legion mainframe and just spin their wheels for as long as their batteries last. 

We got the hell out of there after that. I didn’t want to wait around while other machines figured out where we were. Plus, that ghost was freaking me out, the way it jerked around. Fuck that shit. 

We hiked east for the rest of the day, till it was about dark. I like that you have just as much strength and stamina as I do. Eating those MRE’s earlier helped. I picked out a nice spot with some trees, where a little stream ran through. It didn’t matter if the water was bad or not. All we had to do was boil it for a bit, and it was drinkable. Unless the water was off color or full or shit, or even glowing, it could be treated. 

After setting up camp, having dinner, and making sure we weren’t followed, I was pretty tired. Honestly, I looked forward to stretching out in the tent with you. 

I stripped off my boots and overclothes. I wasn’t sure how you would feel about lying next to me in just my boxers and a t-shirt. I took some of the leftover water and washed myself outside with it, hoping you’d do the same. I left you half the water. I went back in the tent and heard you taking care of yourself by the fire. It was like we were of the same mind. I never really had to tell you anything. 

You crawled into bed next to me, and I about lost it. By the light of the dying fire outside, I could see you only had your bra and panties on. I’m sure you heard me exhale hard when I saw you. 

“Body heat,” you whispered, snuggling up against me. I wrapped my arm around you, pulled my knees up against yours. I was already hard, but I didn’t want you to feel it, in case you weren’t thinking what I was thinking. I can’t believe that you weren’t able to feel how fast my heart was racing right then. I laid very still, listening to your breathing get slower and heavier, till I knew you were asleep. I rolled onto my back and tried to pretend you weren’t there anymore. 

I didn’t know how to ask you for it. I didn’t even want to ask. I just wanted to fuck you. I was trying really hard to be polite. I breathed out once, too loud, because you rolled over against me and cupped my cock with your hand. Fuck that felt good! Your hand was a million times better than mine ever was. I couldn’t control my breathing anymore, and my prick was just twitching in your palm. I loved it when you squeezed me. I looked up to see you staring at me in the dark, smiling. 

Rolling over on top of you was the best move I made. I loved how you just let me do it, pushing my knees between your thighs to open you up. My hard shaft on your hot panties nearly made me come. You panted, whispering my name, and pushed me back onto my back. 

I did not want you on top of me. That was something I never liked. I didn’t want to feel dominated, even by you. But you surprised me. You reached down and pulled off my boxers under the sleeping bag. I leaned up on my elbows and watched your head disappear under the bag. Your mouth on my cock was absolute heaven. Your warm lips pushing down over the head of my dick made me even harder. You worked the head with your tongue until I was about to blow. You were sucking me just hard enough to make me moan. I couldn’t help it. Fuck, your mouth was incredible. I never had a blowjob before, and you are really good at them. 

I reached down and put my hand in your hair, guiding your head up and down my length. I wanted to push it all into your mouth. I know I’m big. I wasn’t sure if you could take it all. You worked it into your mouth and I felt it hit the back of your throat, but I wanted more. I pushed your head down a little and held you there till you opened up your throat, letting me slip in deeper. 

“Fuck yeah. That’s good.” I couldn’t believe I was saying that. It felt dirty, but it made me feel powerful. I listened to you gag and choke, not wanting to let you go. I wanted to come right then and feel you contract and swallow it all. Instead, I let you go. I thought you’d pull away, mad at me for doing that, but you dove back down on me and let me in deep again. 

“I’m going to come,” I whispered. You pulled away completely and took off your panties. 

“Touch me,” You said. You pulled my hand forward and put it on you. Holy shit, you were so wet. I’d never felt anything as good as your wet slit. My fingers just glided through. You stopped me when I had two fingers on your clit. It was so swollen. I could feel it throbbing. I rubbed it as gently as I could, but damn, if I didn’t want more, harder. 

That’s when I just let my desire take over. At this point, I didn’t really care what else happened. “I’m going to fuck you,” I panted. I looked into your eyes to make sure you were okay with it. When you nodded, I pushed you onto your back and slid between your warm thighs. You felt amazing to me, wrapping your legs around me, letting me slide my huge cock inside you. It was even better than your mouth, so warm and tight around me. My balls tightened up as my dick throbbed in you. I was surprised you let me hold you down and put my hand on your neck. I didn’t know I was going to do that, but it felt right. I just liked dominating you. I wasn’t going to hurt you at all. 

I was moving faster and faster without even thinking about it. My dad said that sex would come naturally when the time was right. This felt about as natural as waking up in the morning. You were the fucking sun shine to my consciousness. I felt you spread your legs even wider for me, and I took that as a sign to fuck you harder. I pushed so deep, I could feel where you stopped, but I wanted more than that. I wanted you to scream for me. I was fucking you about as hard as I could, listening to you cry out. Fuck. There could be people out there, or machines. I put my hand over your mouth and laughed. 

“Shhh, baby. Be quiet for me.” Fuck, I wanted to make you scream. But watching you try to stay silent was almost even better. Because the harder and faster I fucked you, the harder it was for you to be quiet. I fucking loved that control. Finally, you couldn’t take it anymore, I guess. I felt you come on my shaft. “That’s it, baby, come for me.” And your whole body rocked against me, shaking uncontrollably. 

Needless to say, I came too. I have never had an orgasm that intense in my life. I pumped out every ounce of seed I had in me. And you took it all for me. You tried to pull me down into a hug while we were still both shaking, but I rolled away. I couldn’t hold you like you wanted. I’d fuck you any way I wanted, but I couldn’t hold you like that. 

I’m sorry if you didn’t understand why. 

You still slept beside me, though. We never talked about that. All I could let you do was hold my hand for a while till you fell asleep. I can’t even promise I’ll work to be better. This is a relationship of mutual need. I’m not here to fall in love.


	4. Shelter

You didn’t talk much the next day. Honestly, that was fine with me. I told you in the beginning I didn’t talk a lot. I prefer the silence to meaningless conversations. I know something was bugging you. I’m not stupid, and I can tell when things aren’t right. I think it was because when we woke up, you tried to kiss me and I would not let you. 

I don’t know what you expect from me now. I don’t want to make this complicated. I just want to stay alive. 

The next convoy we ran into was headed north too. Mostly, people on foot were moving through, in a single line. I watched them go, weaving through the grass like a giant snake. You wanted to go talk to them. I can see your need to be around people is greater than mine. I told you it was fine to go if you wanted. You just have to watch out for large groups like that. It’s hard to feed that many people. 

I’ve run into too many cannibal groups in my days out here. 

This group looked okay from our vantage point on the hill. They looked okay as far as being fed and clothed. Most of them had weapons. Rogue military units were nothing to be trifled with though. Sometimes they weren’t any better than cannibals. They didn’t eat people, but they’d kill them just as soon as look at them. There was one group out of Houston that basically burned everything standing in their way. If you didn’t join them, they’d take everything you had. Hell, they’d take everything anyway. 

In a land with no laws, people just did whatever they wanted. That was why I stayed out of sight so much. I stayed to myself mostly. I remember being little, all alone in this world. After my parents died and my brother disappeared, I took refuge wherever I could. I took it with whoever would let me in. That’s a mistake I won’t make again. Even though I looked like a boy, that didn’t stop the older men from taking a piece of me. 

*Silence* 

I don’t want to talk about that either. 

The sky behind the wanderers was turning dark. It wasn’t even midday yet, but the clouds were blackening the horizon. Storms out here were dangerous. High winds, lightning, and dust were all possibilities. In Texas, the land was pretty flat, and there was nothing to block the incoming maelstroms. As I scanned the land, I noted that the storm was headed right for us. All those people had better find cover quick. 

But who gives a shit about them? You and I need to find cover quick. The air smelled electric as the storm moved closer. The lightning was starting, striking off in the distance. We needed to get low and just ride it out. The last storm I was caught in brought hail and lightning. I thought I was going to die that day. We needed to find a ditch and just wait. 

I turned us north, away from the storm. I pushed you hard, forward, as fast as we could walk. We were almost running when the thunder began. The announcement of destruction was closer than I liked. We found a little culvert running under a broken stretch of highway. It was just an old drainage tunnel, but it would keep us sheltered for a few minutes. 

The wind picked up and began to howl. The sky was so dark, you’d think it was night. It didn’t matter what side of the tunnel we were in, the wind just blew rain right through. You were scared. I could see that. Lightning was striking all around us, lighting up the air all around us. The thunder was so loud, it sounded like bombs going off. The storm was right on top of us. The ground shook like we were having an earthquake. Not that I’d know what that was like, but I imagine this was pretty close. 

The hail began shortly after, pounding on the tunnel. It was so loud, I couldn’t even think anymore. I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my head down. I wasn’t sure how powerful this storm was going to get. I just wanted it to be over. The weather was so weird now. Storms in September, cold at night. The fucking machines changed everything. 

You scooted up next to me when the thunder clapped again and shook the entire world. I put my arm around you. I was scared too at that point. The rain and hail were just sailing through the tunnel. It wasn’t much of a shelter. By the time the storm was over, we were both soaked and cold. There wouldn’t be any fires today either, now that everything was wet. 

Luckily, the storm moved through pretty fast. Once everything settled down, and the thunder was sounding in the distance, we moved out of the storm drain. Not a moment too soon, either, because the deluge would have pushed us out anyway. Flash floods were not uncommon, but dangerous nonetheless. 

We climbed back up the hill, and that’s when I saw that group had scattered. Most of them were gone, probably running north, trying to outwit the storm. The stragglers that remained behind looked like war refugees. They were in little groups, trying to air out their belongings. Everything they owned was soaking wet. I heard a baby crying. Poor motherfuckers. Stuck out in this hell with a fucking child. Shit like that makes me glad I can’t have kids. 

Keep walking. We need to get away from here. Skinners like stragglers. Skinners like babies too. 

I know you wanted to stay and help those people, but we really don’t have that luxury. Out here, it’s every person for themself. Dog eat dog. 

Later in the day, I could have sworn I heard an airplane. I’m pretty sure that’s what it was. HKs have a different sound than airplanes. I can’t really describe the difference, but I know it when I hear it. That was definitely an airplane. I didn’t see it, but I stood real quiet for a minute. It was headed north. Everyone was headed north for this whole “Resistance” thing, whatever that was. 

As we walked east, I saw a sign for a place called Van Horn, Texas. We could stop there and rest for a few days, if nothing stopped us. Or if nothing looked suspicious. I fucking hate towns. Van Horn looked too big for my comfort, but it wasn’t just about me anymore. 

Just outside of Van Horn, we ran into a couple of guys on the road. They were both dressed in camo fatigues like mine, except these two looked more squared away than I’d ever be. They had rifles, carried full packs, and tucked their pants into their boots like regular soldiers. They looked cleaner than most of the people I ever ran into. For some reason, I wanted to talk to these dudes. 

We approached slowly, letting them see us. I didn’t want to get shot sneaking up on them. You fucking waved at them like a dumbass. I was mad about that, until I found out you knew them. The reunion was something to behold. I’d never seen people find other people they’d lost. I’d also never seen you so happy. 

I stood back while you said hello to the guys. The big guy’s name was Henry. The smaller, leaner guy was called Edwards. They seemed nice enough. They were headed north too, to a place called Carlsbad, New Mexico. There was an outpost there, they said, working its way up to becoming a Resistance outpost. They told us there was shelter, food, water, and weapons, if we wanted to join them. You did. I did not. 

We camped together that night, just outside of Van Horn. We sat around the fire, and I prepared myself to be alone again the next day. I watched while you three regaled each other with tales of your travels. The guys talked about how they got separated from their unit and were headed back to the outpost. Henry talked about knowing Dani Ramos, and how she was heading up the recruiting part of the Resistance militias in El Paso. These guys were a self-made ranger division. They’d lost a couple of people to the machines in Houston. They lost most of their gear and all of their vehicles outside of San Antonio. They’d been walking ever since. 

You never told me you’d been looking for anyone. I felt a little betrayed, but then again, I didn’t tell you shit about my life either. When we finally got in the tent, you were so quiet. I was a little mad, knowing you wanted to go with them. I felt like I’d been protecting you this whole time, watching out for you. I got the impression that we were in this together. Truth was, I liked you more than I admitted. I didn’t want you to leave. 

I was laying on my back, on top of my sleeping bag, eyes closed. I heard you moving closer, till I felt you lay down beside me. You wrapped an arm around me, hugged me and kind of shook me till I looked at you. 

“Hey,” you whispered. “Look at me, Grace.” 

I kept my eyes closed. Fuck, I didn’t want to talk about this. I didn’t want to cry. Deep down inside, I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I didn’t want you to leave me. Everyone left me one way or another. 

Tears found their way out of my eyes, despite my best efforts to stop them. You leaned on your elbow, and wiped the tears off my face. You didn’t say anything. You simply laid beside me, your arm around me, and let me cry for a bit. I don’t know if you knew what was wrong. I never said how lonely I was inside. 

“Grace, come with us.” Your voice was hushed, and I was grateful for it. I didn’t want anyone to hear this. I couldn’t say anything. Of course, I wanted to come with you. I wanted to belong somewhere, with real, decent people. It made me wish I hadn’t left Dani all that time ago. I was missing her awfully bad right then. 

“Just don’t tell them about this,” I felt like I was begging. I cried for a while, and I let you hold me this time. It felt good, but I felt ashamed of my weakness. I never showed weakness before, but you made me feel safe for some reason. You didn’t judge me. I finally felt like I could trust something, and that something was you. 

“Never.” You leaned in and I finally let you kiss me. Damn. Your mouth felt so good, like coming home. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want a connection. But it was there anyway. 

The next morning, I joined the Carlsbad Rangers and took my position, which became a permanent thing, at the rear of the group. We walked the rest of the way to New Mexico.


	5. Dead Meat

We were just outside of Pecos, Texas, when I smelled the fire. It was the kind of fire that I didn’t want to get close to. It did not have the usual smell of wood smoke. It wasn’t a building fire that smelled like plastic and rubber. This was another type of fire. It was a cooking fire. If a person didn’t know better, they would be drawn in by the aroma of food being roasted. 

It wasn’t food. I mean, it was, to a certain palate. Skinner camps were easy to detect by the smell of their fires. Roasting human flesh had a certain scent. Pork is the closest thing I can think of that it reminds me of. Bacon, actually. And the scent draws the unsuspecting in too close sometimes. When people are starving, bacon smells pretty fucking good. It’s always a trap. Skinners are always on the lookout for more meat. 

I know it’s messed up to talk about, but you need to know what’s ahead. You said you never met skinners. I said it would be the last thing you did. They would catch you, and they probably wouldn’t even kill you right away, unless they were a big, desperate group. They would probably chain you up, take off a limb, burn the wound so you didn’t bleed out. Fresh meat is always better than dead meat. In this world, though, people take what they can get. 

I’ve eaten human flesh before. I didn’t want to, but starvation makes you do shitty things you never thought possible. Thirst is worse, but that’s another story. 

We were walking through the tall grass when I first smelled the fire. Henry had taught us to communicate quietly, using tongue clicks instead of calling out. I thought it was brilliant, since I didn’t like talking anyway. Three clicks meant stop. Two meant go. One meant get down. I clicked my tongue three times, paused, then once more. We all stopped and crouched in unison. We were becoming well trained, thanks to Henry. He had been a sergeant in the army before Judgement Day. He knew all the tricks, from how to keep your feet dry, to rolling rubbers on your rifle barrel to keep water out. There wasn’t much water to worry about in Texas these days. 

We listened to the wind, and I heard the voices, just like my mom said I would. These voices were coming from a semi-permanent camp to our 2 o’clock. And these voices were real. They weren’t just my conscience telling me what to do. These were the voices of men, joined in celebration. I’m assuming they caught someone new. 

I remembered my early years after JD. It was just me and Trevor, my brother. Both Mom and Dad were dead by now. He and I roamed the streets of a city called Las Cruces, New Mexico for about a year after they died. I was only 12. He was only 9. We didn’t have a clue what the fuck we were doing, other than trying to stay alive. We moved through several groups of survivors, just trying to catch a meal. 

I remember the night Trevor disappeared. I don’t like talking about it, but I’ll tell you one time. We smelled a fire, just like this one. He was so damned hungry. I couldn’t let him go another night without something. I’d have cut my own leg off to feed him. He was just a baby, and he cried all the time. We missed Mom and Dad. I was in charge then and all I could think with was my stomach. So we followed the smell of the food. Sure enough, there was an encampment of people on the edge of the city. And sure enough, they welcomed us in for dinner. 

There were ribs, and big chunks of meat on skewers, just being turned over and over by a nice old lady. She smiled at us as we walked in with a big man in a brown coat. I try not to remember his name. They invited us in to sit by the fire. By the time we got into their camp, my stomach was in knots from being empty so long. My mouth was watering. I actually felt like I was going to throw up. I was so excited about getting something to eat. Trevor couldn’t even sit down. He was hopping around the fire. 

“Grace! Look!” He was pointing at the skewers, laughing. I remember that was the last time I saw him happy. And for what? 

And you know what? We sat there with that group and ate till our bellies were busting at the seams. I couldn’t remember anything ever tasting so good in my life. I just couldn’t believe our luck. And these people were nice! I felt safe again. Trevor ate so much that he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He fell asleep in my lap by the fire. That old lady gave me a blanket to wrap us up in. 

The next morning, Trevor was gone. I got up to look for him. The fire was no more than scant embers, smoldering in the early morning light. It was humid, and damp. My clothes were wet, and I was cold. I didn’t want to yell for him because I’d wake up the others. That’s when I saw the man in the brown coat, leading Trevor into a building across the street from the camp. Trevor was pulling against him, not wanting to go. I didn’t know what to do. The man in the brown coat scared me. He was being rough with Trevor, yanking his sleeve until my brother stopped struggling and went with him. 

I must have made some kind of noise because the man turned suddenly and looked in my direction. I ducked behind a white car and hid. I fucking hid. I couldn’t even help my brother. That’s not even the worst part, but that’s not important. The point is, I hid, like a fucking coward. 

That was the last time I saw my brother. 

I tried to find him later, but the old lady told me not to bother. I helped her get the next meal ready. It didn’t occur to me until years later what I was helping to prepare. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the man in the brown coat had a thing for little girls. He would follow me around camp, day and night. He had a greasy face that was pock marked by some childhood disease. His beard was no more than stubble, but I'd never seen him shave. He smelled like shit, all the time. His breath smelled like gasoline and dead things. I’m not going to tell you what he did to me, but you can probably just imagine. 

I finally got the courage to run after that. I was alone, but being alone was better than being with that fucked up skinner clan. The man in the brown coat told me what we were eating. Who we were eating, as if I’d think it was a fucking treat. I knew he was lying. But part of me knew it was true, when my brother never came back. I try not to think about that. 

I spent years developing rage and hatred for skinners from that moment on. I know I said earlier that every living thing deserves a chance, but not those things. Skinners aren’t even people. They’re animals. They’re not even animals, though. They’re monsters. And monsters deserve to die. That’s all there is to it, and you couldn’t change my mind if you wanted to. 

We slowly gained ground on the settlement. The firelight came into view in the dying light of day. Skinners weren’t terribly bright when it came to hiding. They seemed to like being in plain view of the world. They acted like they weren’t afraid of anything, not even the machines. Their camp was set up like some kind of nightmarish circus. The big top was where the skinner clan slept. There were several little tents put up around it, maybe for their kids, extra wives, or whatever the fuck they were into. Some of those clans did a side business as slavers. If they didn’t eat you, they’d sell you to someone who’d do worse to you. 

I scanned the camp with my rifle scope. The fire was central, and everyone was gathering. There were two men and two women. Henry wanted to keep moving, quickly and quietly. I couldn’t let this go. I never could when it came to these people. Part of me was still looking for Trevor. 

You tugged hard on my shirt, urging me to let them be. I shook my head and told you to go. I said I would either catch up, or I wouldn’t. I handed you my pack, which you strapped to your front. I was sorry for making you carry the extra weight, but I had to be light for this. 

Watching you all go was hard. I knew it might be the last time I saw any of you, but I also knew I’d die doing something good in this broken world. I waited till you were long gone before I made my move. I sat in the grass and watched the clan eat their last meal. They laughed and talked as if it were just a normal day in their lives. I never understood how anyone could make a life eating other people. But it was like I said, starvation makes you do some strange fucking things. 

I raised my rifle up and sniped the younger woman on the left. She never knew what hit her. The shot from my weapon alerted the others, though, so I had to be quick. As the second woman stood up, panicking, I took her out with a bullet through her eye. One thing I got good at in the aftermath of JD was target practice. I was deadly, and I didn’t feel the least bit bad about killing. The man who appeared to be the leader was reaching for his shotgun when I shot him in the throat. At this point, I was walking toward them in the dark. As the leader fell, clutching his throat, I turned to shoot the remaining man, but he ducked behind the big top. He was going to make me work for it. 

I didn’t know if there were others that might surprise me, but I needed to find him fast and do him quietly. I cut him off on the other side of the tent. He was crouched with his back to me, holding a pistol. He had been waiting for me to follow him. I crept up behind him, pulled my hunting knife and drew it right across his throat. I felt the blade push into his skin. When I felt resistance from the muscles and tendons, I pressed harder. I’d have cut his fucking head off if I could have. I let go of his hair and let him fall to the ground, dead as a doornail. 

I stood up and spit on his body. Fuck you, skinner. 

I picked up my rifle where I dropped it and began checking the rest of the tents. The first one was empty. The big top was empty. The next tent had a bunch of girls in it. None of them were over the age of 18. They were all roped together at the necks and wrists, tied to the main tent post. I cut them free and told them to run. The oldest looked to me for answers, but I had nothing to give her. They all stood like deer in the headlights, so I raised my gun at them. I wouldn’t have shot them, I just wanted them to move. 

As the girls scattered, I made my way to the last tent. It was a bit off from the rest, and the smell of it should have tipped me off. I opened the main flaps and nearly puked on my boots. The smell of rot was strong. I pulled out the flashlight I stole from Marvin and shined it around. I saw two older men squatting at the far side. They looked like they hadn’t seen daylight in years. One was missing his entire left leg. The other had no arms. They were chained to a cement block in the ground. In the corner of the tent were a couple of bodies that were of no use to anyone. Why they were being kept was beyond me. Maybe it was to scare the others into submitting. I don’t fucking know, and I didn’t have time to think about it. I raised my rifle and shot the man with no arms. He’d have died anyway. The second man folded his hands in prayer, pleading to me to end his life too. Without question, I became his god. 

I spent the next 20 minutes burning the camp to the ground. I didn’t care who saw the fire, man or machine. Fuck them all.


	6. Changing of the Gaurd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace's PTSD makes her suicidal. TRIGGER WARNING

You all had about an hour on me. It might take me two in the dark. But I wasn’t carrying anything but my rifle. The half-moon lit the way. Before we split up, Henry told me just to follow the old road till I caught up. As I left the burning camp behind, I stopped to heave everything I had eaten that day into the grass. Killing skinners felt like a mercy to the rest of the world that was just trying to get by. It never got any easier though. I know I said I was good at killing, but that didn’t mean I liked it. Taking a life when there weren’t many left felt wrong. I justified it so many different ways. Some men killed my dad over a can of fruit. My mom died of starvation. Trevor was, well, I still don’t absolutely know. I can justify taking a hundred thousand lives for the three I lost. 

I heard you all before I saw you. I could walk quickly and fairly quiet through the grass. There wasn’t any wind that night to cover me, so my own boots were echoing into the dark. I heard the clicks and stopped in my tracks. Henry gave a low whistle to orient me. There was no campfire. No one set up tents in the dark. 

I made my way to you and found you all hunkered down in a group, laying low in the tall grass. It reminded me of the way a herd of deer would bed down for the night, just laying the grass over and sleeping on top of it. It was kind of like a nest. This was home for the night. 

The road stretched out above us, over an incline. Someone had to take watch for the night, and I didn’t feel much like telling my story. I volunteered for the first watch while the rest of you got some sleep. It was the least I could do for making you worry about me. 

As I stood up, you reached up and grabbed my hand, stopping me. After what I had just done, I couldn’t look you in the eyes. I just scanned the area around us, letting you hold me for a second. I know you wanted to ask if I was alright. Even if I was falling apart, I didn’t want anyone to see it. The truth was, I was seconds away from imploding. The whole thing triggered my memories from the past. Trauma, someone once called it. 

I shook my hand free of yours and asked you to relieve me in a couple of hours. You just nodded and let me go. I turned and walked up the hill and sat on the broken guard rail. I watched for any signs of movement in one direction, then turned for a bit in the other. I kept watch like that, like the second hand of a clock. 

It was quiet. None of you made any noise. If I were anyone else, I’d have never known you were even there. We were getting really good at being quiet. Henry even started sleeping on his side so he didn’t snore so much. 

Once I thought it was safe enough, I put my rifle down against the rail, close enough to grab it if I had to. I pulled out my knife and looked at it under the moonlight. I didn’t do a very good job of wiping the blood off of it. I used some water from my canteen to clean the blade, wiping it on my pants when I was finished. That motherfucker didn’t deserve my water, but my blade did. I took care of my weapons, my tools, no matter what I’d used them for. 

I sheathed my knife and pulled the pistol out of the holster. It was the same one I pulled off the dead guy at the army surplus store. Henry had given me the holster. It wasn’t an exact fit, but it was better than keeping the gun shoved down in my pants all the time. I looked it over in the pale light, angling it so the moonlight glinted off the polished steel. I liked this gun. I cradled it in my hands, wishing I had the guts to use it. 

I thought about my brother. I know he’s dead. I knew he was dead the morning he disappeared into that building. When I find the man in the brown coat, I’m going to put this pistol in his mouth and make sure he never eats again. Until then, all I have is remorse and guilt. I wish I had been stronger, that I might have been brave enough to save Trevor. One might say that I was too young to know any better, but it’s something I live with every single day. He was the last of my family, and I should have fucking done better for him. 

The pistol began to feel more and more like a friend. I held it in my hands, feeling how the one side was warmed under my skin. I pushed my boonie hat off my head, letting it hang by the chin strap around my neck. Licking my lips, I thought about a hundred other times I should have done this. I have more memories of this fucked up place than I care to count. Every day brings new horrors. Sometimes, even in the face of the good days, that’s all I can think of. Every time I run into skinners, I take stock of what I have become, feeling no better than they were. 

I don’t know when I started crying about things. I sat on that guard rail and wept like a little fucking baby. I was sad for Trevor, my parents, Dani, and myself. I was sad that you had to put up with me now. I was a mess. A real fucking psycho. Maybe I should eat that pistol before I even have a chance to find the man in the brown coat. 

So I opened my mouth and slid the warming steel of the gun between my teeth. I bit down and held it there, putting my thumb on the trigger. I breathed out of my nose and inhaled through my mouth, tasting oil and gun powder. I closed my eyes, listening to the earth spin me around. 900 miles per hour, and I was going to kill myself. I was so fucking small, so insignificant. What did it matter if I was alive anymore? 

Your hand on my back was nearly enough to make me pull the trigger, just out of fright. You scared the shit out of me. I didn’t hear you come up behind me. I didn’t know how long I was there. It must have been your turn to watch over us. I slipped the gun back into my lap as you sat down. You saw everything I just did. You said you watched me carefully for a few minutes before coming forward. I get it. I really do. You were just trying stop me from doing something stupid. I still couldn’t look at you. 

It was almost like you understood what I went through that night. You didn’t ask me any questions about it. You just sat down beside me, cradling your shotgun against your arm, like a little baby. With your other arm, you cradled me like a little baby. I tried to do the whole “stiff upper lip” thing and be strong for you. Skinners get me every single time. Along with the trauma was the aftershocks. My dad said it was called PTSD, whatever that meant. Some people saw things that fucked them up bad, and they’d end up reliving those moments. It was hard. I understood it too well. 

I put my pistol back in my holster, stood up and took my rifle by the sling. I looked down at you, and you stared off into the distance at nothing. I appreciated you greatly right then, not making me feel bad about any of it. 

I leaned down to kiss you, though I’m not sure why. That wasn’t like me at all, but I felt better in this world with you by my side. You looked up and met my lips with yours. It wasn’t needy or filled with crazy desire. It was just a kiss of understanding. 

I wondered for a while long after if you could taste the gun powder too.


	7. Bad Horses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gloves are off. This chapter features a sex scene that is violent. If that bothers you, stop reading.

I was standing in the middle of a broken piece of highway. I hate the highways. Terminators follow the roads. Fucking machines don’t know any better than to use old maps. They think we don’t know any better than to stick to what we built in the past. 

This road stretched out forever in front of me. I turned to look behind me, and it was more of the same. Road for as far as my eyes could see. There was not a single fork or bend either way. It was endless in both directions. I didn’t know where I was. The land around me was flat, barren, ashy and gray. 

I was walking, kicking a man’s skull. The sound it made on the cracked asphalt was chilling. It sounded like a ceramic bowl being rolled across concrete. Almost like stone on stone. I kept kicking it, and it rolled back and forth across the highway. It was a game for me. As I kept kicking, it, the skull began to change. It had eyes all of a sudden. That scared me so I kicked it even harder, but my foot felt like it was nailed to the ground. I couldn’t kick the damned thing hard or far enough. 

The skull rolled to a stop in front of me. Its eyes were glowing red. Something was growing out of the base of it. The black tendrils turned into something like nerves, and into a spine. I didn’t know what the fuck was happening. I felt fear in my heart as the thing began to grow and transform. I turned around to run the other way, but it started to sprout legs and stood up. It was behind me, and in front of me at the same time. I could feel it all around me. It grew arms with hands at the ends. It was all black, like a Rev, except for the skull, which was human. 

The jaw began to move up and down, as if it wanted to speak. I felt my heart in my throat. What the fuck was this? The teeth chattered together as it wordlessly spoke to me about the future. It wasn’t what I heard, but what I understood. “We are one,” it told me. I knew what it meant while I was in the dream, but now I can’t figure out the symbolism or whatever it was. 

I tried to run past it, but it was everywhere. It was like there were a thousand of them, but there was only one. I was so slow. I watched as long black spears began to appear from inside its body. I had never seen that shit before. Like giant tentacles on the kraken, those spears raised up into the air above my head. All I could do was watch them all come crashing down. The sharp points began to run me through. I didn’t feel pain. I just felt helpless. In the distance, behind the thing, I saw Trevor being led away by the man in the brown coat. I screamed for him but he couldn’t hear me. 

I woke up with you on top of me, holding me down. I was hot, feverish even. I was sweating and panting. I was so fucking scared. I didn’t even know who you were at first. I grabbed you and threw you back, thinking you were that fucking machine. I heard you land hard on the ground inside our tent. I lunged at you, landing right on you. I wasn’t sure what the fuck was happening, but I didn’t feel like I had any control over it. My hand went right to your throat. You slapped me to try and wake me up, but I held you down. 

I don’t know when I started crying. I fucking hate crying. I dropped off of you onto my back, breathless and really pissed off. I was starting to realize it wasn’t a dream. I looked over at you and you were clutching your throat. Fuck, I'd hurt you. I knew it. That’s why I was alone for so long. I didn’t want to fucking hurt anyone. 

It was dark outside. I don’t know how long I had been asleep, or even what day it was anymore. It was easy to lose track out here. Especially since it really didn’t matter. I felt so ashamed of myself. My heart was racing and all the blood immediately ran to my dick. What the fuck? That happened every single time I had a nightmare. I always got aroused when it was really scary. I don’t know if it was natural to be that way, but it really didn’t make me feel better. 

I couldn’t stand you looking at me anymore. I grabbed the pistol out of the holster beside my bedroll, and got up. I couldn’t stand fully in that tent, but they haven’t made one tall enough for me yet. In nothing but my shorts and a shirt, I left you sitting there. I didn’t even care where I went. I just needed to go. I walked a few steps out past the tents and stood by a tree. The tree was dead. Most of them were now. Everything was wasted. I was wasted. 

I choked on my own spit and coughed several times. I spit on the ground and leaned against the cold, dead wood. The only thing that made me feel alive was that gun in my hand. I was going to fucking do it this time. Fuck this whole world! 

I raised it up and pressed it against my temple. I pulled the hammer back and closed my eyes. I felt you press yourself against the front of my body. You were smooth like silk. Your hand was around my wrist, pulling the gun down from my head. “Stop, Grace.” That was all you said. I don’t even know for sure if you said it at all. 

I dropped the gun into your hand and turned around. I couldn’t look at you. I was such a piece of shit. I couldn’t even kill myself. I beat my forehead against that dead tree once, twice, three times. Each time I forced myself forward harder. I felt my forehead begin to bleed. My fists were pounding into the rough bark. I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. I wanted to scream. 

I thought you’d back off and let me be, but you almost tackled me from behind. I felt your arms around my chest as you used your weight to pull me down against you. I collapsed into you, and you held me tight, not letting me go. “It’s ok.” You whispered softly in my ear, and I thought my heart would break. There was nothing okay about any of this. How many more nightmares would I have before I killed someone? 

I sobbed as quietly as I could. I didn’t know these other guys real well, but I couldn’t let them see me like this. I bit my bottom lip and tried to suck it up. I grabbed your hands and threw you off of me and stood up. Fuck this shit. Fuck you too, lady. I started walking away. I don’t know what direction I was going in, but I was fucking leaving. You were right by my side, keeping my pace till you were almost running. 

“What?!” I screamed, stopping in my tracks. “What do you want!!!????” I faced you, watching the fear glaze over your eyes in the moonlight. 

You slipped the gun into the back of your pants and moved on me like I was some kind of bitch. I felt your hand on my crotch, and your other hand was gripping my upper arm. “Take me, Grace. Get it out of you.” 

I don’t know what was in me, or what made me think that fucking you right then would help. But that is exactly what I did. 

I was so rough with you too, and I feel bad about that. I saw the tents about 30 yards away from us, and I pushed you up against another dead tree. I leaned against you hard, pushing your tits right into that awful, gnarly bark. I yanked your pants down, and mine too, to get access to you. I didn’t wait. I didn’t bother to make sure you were wet or ready. Your voice was low as you said “do it,” and you spread your thighs open. I pushed myself into you hard. It was harder than I should have been, but I needed to expel this wholly evil thing inside of me. It was poison and you were the antidote. 

I fucked you harder than I’ve ever fucked you before. You’re my only partner so far, so I really have nothing to base it on. I put my hand in your hair and made a fist, pulling tight. I held your hip and thrusted fast and deep, hoping to draw out the venom inside me. It didn’t even feel good. Your body was not ready for me and I felt like each stroke tore you open, but I could not stop. 

It was just an exchange. It was my hate and loathing of myself for your power over me. I ground my hips against your ass. I was now trying to make you sorry you’d asked for this. 

I closed my eyes and could only see that skull. The man in the brown coat. Trevor. I fucked you harder and harder. I thought I would never come. Suddenly, I felt terror. What was I doing to you? I was one step away from beating you to a pulp. I felt like I was raping you. 

I stepped back, pulling completely away from you. I pulled up my shorts and stared at you. Your ass was bare, sticking out from your body, like a fucking offering. You were still pressed against the tree, holding it for dear life. You looked back at me, disbelieving what you were seeing. It was as if you didn’t think this was a good idea either. I stepped back to you, to help you, but you shuddered when I got close. I threw my hands in the air, not wanting to lay another on you. 

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could give you. 

You reached down and pulled your pants back up. You pushed off of that tree, and I saw your hair caught in the bark. You grimaced as it pulled and you reached up and freed yourself. Jesus H. What kind of animal am I? The gun was laying on the ground between us. It must have fallen when I ripped your pants down. 

I shook my head and sat in the dirt. I was empty. This isn’t who I am. I hurt you, even though you told me to. It didn’t make it right. My emotions were drained. I watched you walk back to camp. I heard the quiet zip of the tent door being shut. 

I sat there alone, freezing. I would sit here until the sun came up. I was a ridiculous thing, even to myself. I heard the zip of the tent again, and I raised my head to see who was up. I saw your head over the top of our shelter. You did not say anything or come out to see me. You just looked. From where I sat, I could see the look in your eye. I nodded and stood, making my way back to you. 

Inside the tent was a lot warmer than outside. I didn’t realize how cold I was till right then. You sat down on our shared bedroll and offered your hand to me. Slowly, I reached out, till your fingers were laced into mine; and you pulled me down beside you. We did not share more words in the dark. You pushed me onto my side, facing away from you. I closed my eyes and felt you mold your body into mine from behind. Your arm crept over me like a long lost friend, under my shirt, resting above my belly button. I leaned my head back against yours, feeling your breath on my neck. 

Every time after that, this was how you told me it was all okay. I never needed to talk about it with you. You were the best friend I ever had. I never had any friends, so I didn’t know what to expect. This was good. I’d make it better for us. We couldn’t keep living like this out here. We needed stability. You deserved better.


	8. Uninvited

We aren’t too far from Carlsbad now. A few more days on foot, and we’ll be there. I thought by now I would be sick of walking all day long. I have a good pair of boots though. I was blessed with long legs and a thin body. Walking was not something I really even thought about. I know everyone in the group is tired all the time. 

Henry complained about sore muscles every day. He was barely in his thirties, but he acted like an old man sometimes. I guess he earned it. Life after JD was tough on everyone. We had to make more rest stops than I liked. It was times like these that I wished I was still alone. I liked being able to set my own pace. All of a sudden, I was part of something else. 

Mostly I wondered what the fuck I was doing with other people now. My life before this had been so uncomplicated. I could sleep by the dead and no one thought anything about it. I could have a nightmare and wake up screaming, but the dead didn’t care. 

The roads are longer now because it takes longer to get places. I’m constantly worried now about Legion and skinners both. I swear sometimes, I think they’re going to team up and hit us like a swarm of locusts. We’d fucking deserve it for taking so long out here. Early in the mornings, when everyone is sleeping in, I think about taking off on my own again. It wouldn’t be that hard for me. I really don’t know why I don’t. It’s not like I give a fuck what other people think about me. 

That’s a fucking lie. I care. I just don’t know how to show it. I care about you, but I can’t tell you that. I feel really bad about the other night. I know for sure that I can’t help the nightmares or my reactions. Taking you like that was unacceptable though. I don’t care that you told me to do it. I should have had more self-control than that. 

I wish I had words for how I felt. I mean, I can think about it all day long, and it makes sense in my head. When I try to convert those thoughts to actual words though, I get lost again. Suddenly it doesn’t make sense, and my words get twisted up. So I just stay quiet. I’d rather show what I feel than say it. Anyway, in this world, actions are more valuable than words. I just try to keep moving and doing the next right thing. I never know what that’s going to be. In the case of you and the other night, I still haven’t figured out what to do next. It’s either going to come to me, or it won’t. Life is really that simple. People complicate the shit out of things with emotions and words. 

For example, love is something I never understood. I’m talking about romantic love. That’s not something I ever knew. I was too young when the world ended. There was never time after. I loved my parents and my brother, but that’s different. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m trying to say here. 

Turning my attention back to what we’re currently doing is important. I could get someone, or all of us killed by fucking daydreaming like that. We have been coming up on the New Mexico state line for a couple of hours now. The faded billboards are showing us the way to the freeway. If we go one direction, we can go to Fort Bliss. If we go another way, we can go to Las Vegas eventually. If we keep marching in our general direction, the land will meet the ocean at some point. Those are really the only directions I need in life. Everything else is just a detail. 

The terrain we’ve been walking over is nice and even. Every so often we enter a grove of trees or tall grass. I never realized how flat and exposed this land is for the most part. I have felt like a sitting duck for a week now. It’s like we’re just waiting for an HK to fly over and pick us all off. Luckily, we haven’t seen any terminators in days. 

As we walk, I keep hearing something off to my 9 o’clock. I’ve stopped us three times to listen. Every time, there’s just nothing moving at all. I don’t know if we have a ghost, or we’re being stalked. I’ve been listening to extra footsteps for at least a day now. Every time I click off 3 times, we stand in complete silence. I never see anything. I’m beginning to wonder if maybe my mind is getting sick. Madness is not out of the question out here. When you spend too much time away from other people or the things that were familiar to you, your mind goes rogue. That’s what I’m feeling right now. 

I’m getting sick of this shadow, or whatever it is. I’m tempted to just turn and start shooting at it. I snuck up behind Henry and quietly asked him if he’s hearing it. He said no, so I just backed off. It’s driving me nuts though. Maybe it’s just an echo, but it doesn’t track right. It’s about a half step off from my steps. It’s broad daylight, and you’d think I’d be able to see whatever is following us. 

About an hour later, I heard it again. Instead of alerting everyone again, I just stopped and turned to my left. I heard the extra steps being taken. I was sure someone was following us. That’s when I saw a flash of red in the tall grass. 

“Ok, that’s fucking it,” I growled. I didn’t care if it was a red terminator. I was sick of feeling like a fucking crazy person. I clicked three times, and everyone stopped again. Henry turned back to look at me, shrugging his shoulders as if to say, “again? Seriously?” I waved him back toward me. He was the only other decent shot in this group. I’d need his gun beside me. 

He quietly approached and I motioned for him to flank me. We stalked whatever it was for about 100 feet. I felt like I was right on top of it when Henry shouted in surprise and took a giant leap backward. I turned to him and watched three girls stand up, all hands in the air. 

“What the fuck? That’s a good way to get shot, you fucking idiots!” I yelled at them. Those poor girls were terrified. As I looked at them, I recognized them as part of the group of slaves I’d freed from the skinner camp. “Why the hell are you following us?” 

“Please,” the oldest one said, “help us.” She kept her hands in the air. She was wearing a red coat stolen from the last man I killed. I’d cut his throat behind his shelter, and now she was wearing his clothes. I guess it beat being naked out here. I, on the other hand, would just as soon go naked than have anything to do with skinners. 

“Help you what?” Henry said, finally getting control over himself. The girls had startled him. “How long have you been following us?” 

They all remained quiet. The youngest one could not have been older than ten. 

“Since the skinner camp.” I replied, quietly calculating whether or not we could afford to feed these girls. They were all skinny, probably starving. I wouldn’t trust any of them not to kill us for whatever food and water we had. I watched Henry make the connection. 

We were only a few miles away from a small town. We could probably stop near there and loot some shit from downtown. This felt so fucking dangerous. I knew the problems with taking in newcomers. They couldn’t be trusted. You certainly didn’t want them carrying weapons. I inspected their belongings first. They didn’t have so much as a pair of nail clippers between them. Fuck this. 

“We’ll take you as far as Carlsbad,” Henry offered. I just stared at him. Was he kidding? Henry had a soft fucking heart, that’s for sure. 

I turned around and rejoined our group. You were looking to me for answers. I hitched my thumb in their direction as Henry assured them we were okay to travel with. “Fucking kids.” I said. I took my position back at the rear, making sure everyone was in front of me. I didn’t want anyone on my back now. I’d just spent the whole day thinking I was going crazy. 

We were even crazier for taking those girls in. What if someone was looking for them? What if they’d been followed? I felt absolutely unsafe with these rats in tow. 

What I wouldn’t give for the company of only the dead right now. 

Instead, Henry decided to play fucking house with these kids. I was so ticked off, I didn’t even pay attention to where we were. You told me it was a place called Pine Springs. I don’t know if it just sounded familiar because it was a common name or if maybe I’d been here before. It didn’t look familiar, at any rate. The sun was going down. We had a choice to make camp on the outskirts or go directly into town and shelter in a building. The latter would be less work, but more dangerous. If we were attacked in town, we’d never see it coming. I tried to remind you of the last time we let our guard down in town. You just looked at those three girls instead. I knew what you were thinking. We had to find food and extra water. 

I shook my head and followed you all into town as it got dark. From the right, and slightly behind me, I felt more movement. I knew we weren’t alone. It could have been a pack of feral dogs. It could have been a pack of machines. I couldn’t see very well once the sun went down. All I could do is hope we weren’t attacked. 

Henry and Edwards found us a place inside an old coffee shop. The store looked intact. I guess there wasn’t much of a run on coffee after JD. I didn’t like the big open windows in front. That just made it like window shopping for killers. I took first watch as everyone set up bedrolls inside. I had lost my appetite earlier in the day, so I gave my rations over to the girls. I don’t know if that was my next right thing to do. Still, it felt like repayment for being such an asshole to you. I wanted to make sure to keep an eye on you that night. I didn’t want any crazy slave girls staving your head in while you slept. 

I cracked the coffee shop door open, propped it with a stray brick, and sat just inside. I was listening for whatever had been following us earlier. So far, I heard nothing. As the night grew incredibly dark, I swore I saw people moving around. I just saw shadows moving. That’s a hard thing to see at night: black shadows against a black backdrop. I used to think my eyes were just playing tricks. After all, I was tired and now hungry. The mind is a fucked up thing. I don’t care who you are or how stable you are. In this broken world, no one is completely with it. 

I heard what sounded like a boot scuff against the ground. When you wear boots all the time, the sound is pretty familiar. The noise echoed so I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. I trained my rifle out in front of me, scanning the dark street. This was such a fucking idiotic idea. We were playing house, and I was getting creeped out by ghosts. 

I blinked a couple of times when I saw what looked like a man across the street. He was just standing there. I think he was wearing a hat. I couldn’t look directly at him and see him. I had to watch him out of my peripheral vision. And yeah, when I caught a sideways look, he was definitely standing there. He wasn’t moving. Just looking. I blinked a few more times, and he was gone. What the fuck was this? 

I shivered deeply, thinking about this place being haunted. Most of the world would be that way, if a person believed in the paranormal. Billions of people just dropped dead in less than a year. That’s a lot of souls. I remember before JD, my dad would watch those ghost hunting shows. He said most of it wasn’t real, but what if he was wrong? I was starting to believe, more and more that he was wrong. The things I saw and didn’t see were not fake. 

I saw something out of the corner of my eye, just down the sidewalk from our shelter. I didn’t hear anything. It was another shadow. This one was quick as it moved from the sidewalk to in between two buildings. I was getting a little scared now. I wasn’t sure what I was seeing, if anything at all. I didn’t dare close my eyes. If these shadows were flesh and blood, or metal and wire, I couldn’t be responsible for them overtaking us. 

I heard a door open not too far away too. That raised every hair on my body. That slow creak of wood against iron just made my blood run like ice. I had never been more afraid in my life. If this was a haunting, and not something from this world, what good would my gun do? None of our weapons would stand a chance against something from another world. The footsteps were what really got to me. I could hear them all around me. There were a lot of them, in every fucking direction. I thought I was going to piss myself, I was so scared. Tears welled up in my eyes. My very human reaction to something non-human was perfectly natural. Fear has a way of making you lose control of yourself. 

I don’t know where the flash of light came from. I think it was just lightning in the distance, but for a brief nanosecond, the sky lit up. I saw six figures standing around on the street. They all looked like they were staring right at me. Into me. None of them had any discernible features. They were just black shadow people. I backed up, involuntarily, into the shop. I was just scooting backward on my ass. It was all I could do not to fucking scream. There was never another flash, and the figures disappeared as fast as I saw them. I kicked the door shut, making the brick screech across the sidewalk outside. I listened to a couple of you stir as I backed in. 

I didn’t sleep at all that night, even after Henry relieved me from duty. He asked for a report and I told him nothing was out there; just maybe a dog or something. To this day, I still have no idea what it was I saw. All I knew for sure is that we couldn’t get the fuck out of Pine Springs fast enough. That was the last time I wished for the company of the dead.


	9. Fuck You, and Shut Up

I don’t always have nightmares, and there aren’t ghosts everywhere. Sometimes, I’m not even half mad. This weird world will do a number on your state of mind. I’ll be the first to admit that. I can’t hardly tell what’s in my head and what’s real half the time. I just try and control my responses. That isn’t always easy either. 

We got out of Pine Springs quick the next morning. We couldn’t move fast enough, to tell you the truth. All I wanted to do was put as much distance between us and that godforsaken town as we could. It wasn’t the first haunted place I’ve been to since JD, but it was probably the scariest. I don’t even mind walking all day without any sleep. I don’t know who those six figures were, or what they wanted. I wasn’t going to stick around and find out either. 

I talked to Henry for a minute about his watch that night. I asked if he saw or heard anything unusual. He just huffed at me and said no. His tone was telling, though. He had experienced something too. Henry just wasn’t willing to talk about it. I was actually surprised I wanted to exchange notes on the subject. 

After talking to Henry, I fell back to the rear of the group again. I kept an eye on everyone in front of me, and an eye on our surroundings. I heard some dogs barking just before noon. Feral packs had begun hunting whatever they could take down. It was funny, because I’d expect to see a pack of wolves. Instead, it would be a Saint Bernard, a mutt, and a chihuahua type dog. They’d look more at home in someone’s living room than roaming the deserted landscape in search of food. They were wild nonetheless. A few generations of dogs had come and gone since the world ended. These were dangerous animals all the same. 

We took a break in a tree grove later in the afternoon. The new girls were complaining that their feet hurt. That happens when your shoes don’t fit. But there isn’t a Payless everywhere we stop. Henry has a soft spot for these girls. You do too, I’ve noticed. I just keep my distance, and I keep my opinions to myself. 

Once we set up a perimeter, everyone started throwing around suggestions about just stopping for the rest of the day. That really pissed me off. This wasn’t a ranger operation; it was a fucking parade. It was turning into an all you can eat buffet, starring me. I hated being slow. I hated being out in the open. Again, I thought of leaving you all in the middle of the night. 

You chose to camp with the girls. They didn’t have a tent. You and I had one we shared. Of course, chivalry is not dead, so I let you all have ours. I was content to sleep by the fire anyway. At least I’d be alone for a while, and not have to fucking talk to anyone. I needed sleep. It sounded like you were having a slumber party together in that tent. I was glad not to be invited. Honestly, I wanted to be invited, even though I probably would have just said no. 

The fire began to die after everyone had gone to bed. I curled up closer, trying to soak up the remaining warmth. I heard footsteps behind me, in the direction of Edwards’ tent. I rolled onto my back and saw his tall figure looming over me. In the firelight, I saw him grinning, holding a bottle of something. 

“Wanna get drunk?” He whispered, trying not to alert the others. Liquor was hard to come by now. That and all the prescription drugs in the world were the first things to be taken. 

“Fuck yes, I do.” I sat straight up and threw another log on the fire. Edwards didn’t have a glass or anything. He also didn’t look like he had the plague on his face either. He didn’t have open sores or anything I could see. I wasn’t afraid of a little spit. Hell, if Edwards got me drunk enough, I’d probably make out with him. 

We didn’t talk much at first, till about the third or fourth swig from that bottle. It was Crown Royal. I’d never had it before. I liked the shape of the bottle. Edwards said the bottles used to come in blue bags with a draw string. People would keep them and put shit in them. I’d like to have a little bag like that. I don't’ know what I would put in it. Maybe I would just collect little things I found. I wasn’t much for possessions. Everything you kept weighed you down. 

Edwards asked a lot of questions about where I was from, where I was on JD, and how old I was. That was always a funny question because time was hard to keep track of after the bombs fell. I told him I thought I was 22. I might be a year younger or older. I told him I was 10 when it all went down. He got kinda quiet, looking like he was calculating in his head. He asked what month I was born. I told him I was born on April Fool’s Day. 

He smiled and told me I had just turned 21 this year. Fuck. 21. He wished me a happy birthday and handed me the bottle. I drank down half of what was left. My head started to swim. It felt really good to be out of control. One thing I hated about life after JD was how tightly wound I was all the time. 

Edwards was from Los Angeles originally. Legion had pretty much decimated the west coast, and he had fled with his little sister. He was trying to get to San Antonio with her, but she died on the way. He said it was the dumbest thing ever. She fell and cut her hand. The infection was quick, he said. She caught a fever that burned through her like a furnace throwing heat in winter. Three days later she was dead. I asked, stupidly, if he got a chance to bury her. He didn’t say anything else for the rest of the night. I knew where I had fucked up in that conversation. He probably had to eat part of her to survive. It wouldn’t be uncommon, and most people didn’t like to talk about it. I didn’t ask him anything else. 

We sat together till the booze ran out. I had to go take a leak. Edwards bid me goodnight and went back to his tent. I stood up and staggered away from the fire, past the camp and behind a dead tree. As I was relieving myself, I listened to the howl of wild dogs. I felt like howling with them, drunk as I was. The moon was almost full. I zipped up and felt a hand on my back. 

I spun around with a fist, ready to strike whoever had touched me. It took a second to register the difference between friend and foe. It was that oldest girl from the skinner camp. 

“What do you want?” I asked, lowering my arm. She had recoiled, waiting for me to hit her. She acted like she’d been hit a lot in her life. My tone with her probably didn’t help much. 

“I just came out to see how you were. I heard you and that other guy talking.” She straightened up and pulled her coat (the skinner’s coat) tighter around her. She had long brown hair that was never tied up. I thought she was kind of pretty. 

“I’m fine. About to get some sleep. You should too.” I took off my boonie hat and slicked my hair back with one hand. It was getting really greasy. I’d give anything for a hot bath and a haircut. 

She didn’t say anything, but followed me back through the tents. I sat back down on my bedroll and leaned back. The fire would die out soon enough, without my help. I relaxed back and slipped my hat over my eyes. That girl, Trystan, sat down next to me. I did not need to see her. She was so close I could feel her heat. 

“Grace? That’s your name?” Trystan whispered. I knocked my hat back just enough to look at her with one sleepy eye. 

“Yeah.” I really wished she’d just shut up and let me pass out. 

“Thanks, for letting us come with you. For not just shooting us the other night at the camp.” Trystan had a funny way of thanking a person. 

“No problem, kid.” I closed my eyes again and heard her exhale hard. 

“I’m not a kid. I’m 24. People always think I'm a little girl.” 

I raised up and leaned on an elbow to look at her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” She certainly didn’t look 24. People had her pegged as a kid, and she looked the part. It was probably because she was small. She wasn’t any taller than Dani Ramos was. Trystan’s build was even more slender than mine. Snapping her in half would be easy. 

“I’ve seen the way everyone looks at me.” Trystan stared into the fading flames. 

“What way?” I honestly didn’t know what she was talking about. I had done my best to ignore her and the others entirely. 

“Like I’m a piece of meat. People have looked at me that way all my life. Except for you.” 

She was on to me. “Well, I didn’t get a vote about letting you come with us. That was all Henry and Vanda. As a matter of fact, I’d just as soon be alone.” 

“I’ll let you be, Grace.” Trystan started to stand up and before I knew it, my hand was on her arm, pulling her back down. 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant, in general, you know? I prefer to move on my own. Without anyone slowing me down.” 

“Then why are you with these people?” Trystan had a way about her that cut a person to the quick. I wasn’t sure if I liked that attitude or not. I was beginning to realize I liked my women a little more subtle. 

“I guess because we’re heading in the same direction.” Dani would kill me if she heard this next part. “There’s safety in numbers.” The dogs were howling in the distance again, further away this time. That settled me a bit more. 

“Grace, can I stay with you tonight?” 

“What? Right here?” I really just wanted to pass out and I didn’t care where she slept. She nodded without looking at me. “Yeah, suit yourself.” I laid back down and covered my face again. 

Trystan took that as an invitation and laid right down against me. She put her head on my chest and an arm around me so quick, I didn’t even know what was happening. She wasn’t rough about it. In fact, she was sleek and nimble, like she just fit right into me. I am sure my gasp told on me, but the truth was, she felt really good right there. 

She opened her coat up and let me feel her slender body. My heart raced. and I started to get hard. This was not a good idea. You were still awake in our tent. I could hear you talking to those other girls. 

“Won’t your friends be wondering where you went?” I asked, half wanting to pull away. 

“Sisters. And no. They won’t.” Trystan shifted and tried to roll on top of me. I stopped that shit real quick. 

“No. You don’t do that.” I pulled my hat off and stared into her eyes. In the dark, I couldn’t tell what color they were. Green maybe. I pushed her back a little, feeling her resistance. There was something in her stare that made me feel like an animal. I wanted this girl. This woman. She was older than me. I watched her lick her bottom lip and open her mouth as she stared at me. The wet sound of her tongue separating from her palate was enough to encourage me to act. 

I leaned forward suddenly, brave with liquor in my blood. My mouth found hers and I rolled on top of her. She sucked my bottom lip into her mouth, licking it, biting it. My cock throbbed and I pressed my hips down into hers. I wanted to fuck her hard. I was breathing shallow, and I pulled back to look at her. After what happened with you, I needed consent to be with a woman again. 

“Is this what you want? Is it okay?” I asked as you started unbuttoning my pants. 

“Yes. Just be quiet.” She kept one hand on my waistband, looking toward the tent where you and her sisters were. She looked back up at me, and I nodded. I was good at being quiet. But I also liked to fuck hard enough to make the other person cry out. I loved testing you. I would test Trystan too. 

I reached down and realized she was so thin I didn't’ have to unbutton the pants she was wearing. They were barely being held up by her hips. The man she stole them from was bigger. I just slid them down when she raised herself up in compliance. By this point, she had my cock out and was stroking out my full length. I knew it was impressive to her. She had to use both hands with it. I was always proud of my size. 

I slipped a hand between her legs and felt how wet she was. I closed my eyes, knowing this was going to feel amazing. “Let go of me," I commanded. I propped myself up over her on my elbows as she lifted her hands off my shaft. I reached for her left hand and pinned it above her head. I switched my weight and did the same with her right hand, holding them both with my left. There was no way she’d overpower me. I liked this feeling of control. I did not hurt her, or force her to stay pinned. If she had said so much as “wait”, I would have stopped. 

But she didn’t say a word. She encouraged me by spreading her legs open wider, letting me get closer. I felt the head of my cock brush her wet slit. I pushed gently at first, finding her wet entrance with nothing but my hard length. I let the head of my cock slide inside of her, and I held her there. I didn’t not know if this was her first time, but if it was, this was probably going to hurt a little. 

She raised her hips up against me, allowing me to push deeper into her. Fuck, she was so tight. She was so warm, everything just fit right together. I gave her an inch at a time, letting her adjust to being stretched out and filled. Her tightness made me feel huge. Her breath was hot on my face, but I didn't want to kiss her again. She wrapped a leg around mine and bent the knee of her other one, letting it fall to the side. I had all the room I needed. 

I pulled back, leaving only the head of my hard dick inside of her. Then I brought it all home with a hard thrust. Her entire body reacted, from her hips to her head. It was like a wave. She curled out from me every time I entered her. Then she coiled back in between. The motion between us was delicious. I started to fuck her a little faster, watching her unwind and then recoil. She was undulating beneath me, like a serpent. It was the fucking sexiest thing I had ever seen. 

I fucked deeper and harder, watching her face contract with every single thrust I delivered. She felt so fucking good. I released her hands and slid my own behind her head, pulling her up against me more. One of her hands slipped up under my shirt, and she grabbed on to one of my breasts. Her hand was so warm. “Yes,” I whispered. I liked the way she touched me. Her other hand followed suit, and she was groping me in a way that you never did. She pinched my nipples, and every time I fucked into her, she met me with her own upward thrust. It was like she was testing me too. 

It felt so good that I wanted to scream. I was determined to be quiet though. I slipped my hand between us and found her clit. It was tiny. I didn’t want to hurt her with my rough hands. I used my thumb to press it, massaging as gently as I could. I wanted her to come hard. I don’t know why I cared. We weren’t in love. I just liked knowing I could do that to a woman, I suppose. 

As I massaged Trystan’s body and pumped her hard and fast, I felt her begin to tense up. A few more deep strokes, and Trystan was mine. I felt her body convulse. Her pussy contracted around my cock, making me come too. Shit, it felt so good! She was so damned tight I couldn’t even stand it. I pumped hot fluid into her with every pulse of my cock. I finished her off with a few more, softer strokes, feeling her finally start to relax. 

I rolled off of her and laid there, sweating and breathless. I listened to her breathing as well. She had stayed quiet. I decided that I had better up my game. It seemed like I wasn’t able to make a woman scream with pleasure. I wanted a woman who would lose control to me. I just hadn’t found her yet. 

Trystan was a nice enough woman. She rolled over after redressing herself and kissed my cheek. “That was wonderful, Grace. Goodnight.” She stood up and crept like a ninja toward the tent. I stared up into the black sky, listening to the zip of the tent door, followed by her adjusting her position among the others. She had used me for sex. I did not mind. I used her too. We weren’t in love. 

Why, Grace Harper, I thought. You might change your mind about leaving the group after all. 

Fuck you, and shut up, I replied. The haze of the whiskey guided me swiftly to sleep after that. The gentle pop of the dying fire was the last thing I remember hearing.


	10. The River

We were somewhere between Angeles and Loving, New Mexico. If we hoofed it pretty hard, we could get to Carlsbad in just a day. Those girls were slowing us down. To tell the truth, I didn’t even see why it mattered. I didn’t know what was at Carlsbad, other than the ranger outpost. To me, it was just another city I didn’t want to get too close to. We had turned east from Pine Springs. It seemed pretty counterproductive, but we needed water. Along the state line between New Mexico and Texas, there just isn’t anything out there. So, we headed to the river. 

Henry said that the outpost wasn’t in the city. It was actually further west of Carlsbad, closer to Las Cruces. That was a city I knew well. That’s where I was born, I think. I remember living there before JD. Being close to home was a little exciting, I have to admit. 

As the summer turns into fall, more and more every day, one would think that the weather would start to cool off. The days remained hot as ever. I was sweating all day long, hiking through the desert. I hadn’t had a bath in ages. I was starting to be able to smell myself, and it wasn’t good. I had not looked in a mirror in a long time either. I can’t imagine I was a sight for anyone’s sore eyes. 

We stayed mostly off the main roads. Henry had a map that was very helpful. I had a compass. Together, Henry and I navigated the land. It made us both feel like we were in control of something. The broken world and all its trappings had a tendency to make a soul feel lost, at best. 

Once we made it to the dam, Henry kept us moving northwest along the Pecos river. The reservoir back near Angeles had broken years ago. When the power went out, there was no way to pump water through the dam. The pressure of the river built until the dam gave way. Now, the Pecos river flows on its own. It’s bigger than it used to be, faster in spots. At least that is what Henry says. It’s a good water source. 

It was midday when we decided to stop, yet again. The girls were tired. Trystan was looking weak. I felt bad for her, but I had nothing to offer. In the shade of an abandoned marina station, we took shelter for the night. There were some ancient snacks in a vending machine inside the building. I know that shit has a shelf life of forever. It was a good place to start. You put the girls in charge of gathering everything around the marina, as long as the daylight was good. 

I wondered if I could do a little fishing, but there was no fishing gear to be had. This place was a tourist trap for boaters. The boats tied to the dock were all full of holes, partially submerged in the water. The floating dock just rocked with the current of the river. Henry and Edwards went out to hunt. There had been sightings of deer and some antelope on the way in. Henry was a fairly good scat identifier. He told us to watch out for anything suspicious. Terminators. He meant terminators. Of course, we all watched out for those motherfuckers. We all learned to sleep with one eye open, trained on the sky. 

It was so hot. All I could smell was myself. I walked around outside the marina station and found the restroom. I knew better than to expect running water or a toilet that flushed. I did find a half roll of toilet paper. That was worth its weight in gold. I stuffed it into the cargo pocket of my pants. I checked the liquid soap dispensers. Both machines in the ladies’ and men's’ rooms were practically full. I cracked them open and took out the bags of soap. This would be my offering to the group. To you. To Trystan and her sisters. Soap for bathing. And we had a perfectly good river at our disposal. I stopped for a moment to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. The mirror itself was no more than polished steel. Glass would have been too costly to replace back in the day. Polished steel was indestructible. I reached forward and wiped off some of the dirt and dust, revealing my true image. I pulled off my hat and took a long look at me. I inhaled sharply and held it before looking away from the person I didn’t recognize anymore. 

After making gifts of most of the soap, I decided I needed to wash everything I had. Trystan found some paper cups behind the counter of the station. I poured a generous amount of soap into one, grabbed my pack and took off to find a private spot on the river bank. My clothes needed washed badly. I wished I had a sewing kit to fix my socks and a shirt. Minor details. 

At the water’s edge, I stripped down to my tank top and shorts and began soaking my fatigues and other items in the river. I remember seeing a television program once about these village women who would beat their clothes against the rocks to get the dirt out. It seemed ridiculous to me until I tried it. I took my fatigue pants after scrubbing as best I could. I lifted them over my head and brought them down hard against a boulder beside me. The excess water came out onto the stone, and boy, was it dirty! Those village women were on to something. 

Once my clothes were as clean as they’d get, I hung them across the tension cable keeping the dock from floating away. I rummaged through my pack and found a clean white t-shirt and pair of boxer briefs I had forgotten about. I took my dirty underclothes off and washed them too. I looked around to see if anyone was watching me. I didn’t mind being naked, but sometimes, a soul just wants a little privacy. The guys were gone. Only you and the girls remained. The day was wearing down to very late afternoon. This was a good thing, because the last thing I need out here is a sunburn. I have a fair complexion to begin with. There was no shade really. In this aftermath of destruction, you take whatever you can get. 

I reached down beside my pack and picked up the cup of soap. I didn’t bother to waste it on my clothes. I walked down the bank for a bit, past the boat dock and into a patch of grass. It felt cool on my feet. I was wary of snakes and biting insects, considering I was completely naked. I held my clean clothes in one hand, soap in the other. My rifle was slung across my back. Never leave home without it. The place I chose was a little bend in the river. The water was fairly calm and clear. The nearby trees provided a little shade and some privacy. I dropped my gear in the grass, held onto that paper cup and waded out into the water. 

I expected it to be warm, but shit! It was ice cold. It was completely refreshing. If I didn’t know any better, I would have just dunked myself under and drank till my belly was achingly full. Rule of thumb, never drink untreated water, no matter how good it looks. The ground beneath my feet was soft silt, deposited by the river over eons. It felt so good. The bend in the river wasn’t terribly deep at first. I was afraid of a drop off. I knew how to swim, but the current could be terribly swift in spots. It wasn’t worth the risk. 

I waded out until the water covered me up to my hips. I looked down at myself. I was so thin, I barely recognized myself. I counted three ribs on each side that I could see without sucking my belly in. I held the cup of soap up to my nose and inhaled. It was supposed to smell like lavender. That’s what the label on the bag said. I don’t know what lavender is supposed to smell like, so I guess this was it. I dipped my fingers into the cup, coating them. I rubbed soap over my belly, over my breasts, under each armpit, running the soap through the hair there. I remember my mom used to shave her armpits, and sometimes her legs. I scooped up handfuls of water and lathered up as much as the hand soap would allow me to. I ran my hands over my shoulders, creating suds along my neck. My arms were long enough that I could reach around and scrub most of my back. 

This solitary moment was pure heaven for me. This private ritual had been a long time coming. I heard a footstep or something behind me and I turned, trying to keep covered with the river and my arms. My long hair was wet and slicked back so I could see clearly in every direction, save right behind me. My rifle was behind me. Fuck. I turned quickly. 

Trystan stood at the edge of the river, mere feet away from me. She was completely wrapped in a brightly colored beach towel, carrying a cup of soap. The towel was some advertisement for Pecos River boat tours. Why did she have to follow me? Couldn’t she have found her own spot? 

I turned away from her, trying to ignore her. What was once an indulgent moment for me became hurried, like everything else I did in life. She already knew what my body was like, and she never even mentioned it that night. I turned to face her and walked out of the water, cup in hand. I wanted to save the rest of the soap for another time. I liked the smell. It made me feel less broken in this broken world. I wished I had a towel. 

I didn’t make eye contact as I passed her. She reached out as if to touch me. “You haven’t washed your hair, Grace.” 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s just going to be dirty again tomorrow.” I made any excuse I could to flee. 

"Wait. When was the last time anyone took care of you? I always watch you, Grace. You look out for everyone else, even though you don’t mean to. No one looks out for you.” 

I shrugged. She had a point. The last time anyone took care of me was years ago, when Dani used to come around with gifts and would give me a haircut. I remember the way Dani’s hands felt in my hair. Her touch was so gentle. I craved it all the time. I craved that gentleness and care. 

I looked up at Trystan. She wasn’t staring at me. That made me feel less awkward. I didn’t want to give in to a stranger. But I longed for it. I nodded my head and turned back toward the water. Trystan took off her towel and threw it back by her bag. Just then, she turned and picked up her bag, digging in it for something. I went back out to where the water was cold and waist deep again. I stood watching her. She had something in her hand. Black. She waded out slowly toward me and asked me to sit. I sank down into the water without more than a suggestion from her. 

That’s when I saw what she had. It was a straight razor. I stood quickly. “What the fuck? You’re not touching me with that.” She could cut my throat if I let my guard down. Her hand on my arm was gentle. 

“Sit, Grace. Let me do this.” I sat back down, reluctantly. Deep down inside I wanted whatever she was going to do. I closed my eyes, half praying she wouldn’t kill me. I felt her hand tap my shoulder. I looked at her hand as she offered the razor to me. “Hold this.” I took it from her and held it against my chest under the water. 

Trystan washed my hair with the dexterity of a professional hair stylist. Not that I would know what that would be like, but what she was doing felt really good. Her fingertips massaged hand soap through my long hair. “Do you want me to cut it?” I closed my eyes and nodded. I handed her the razor. I wasn’t sure how she would do this, but for some reason, I trusted her. 

I felt gentle tugs on my hair with the cutting. She was pulling lengths out and slicing them free, a little at a time. I heard birds in the distance, followed by a gunshot. Henry must have killed something. I got a little happy thinking we might have fresh meat for dinner. Trystan didn’t skip a beat until she had cut off a couple inches of my hair. 

“Come back this way,” she whispered, pulling my shoulder back toward her. He moved to the very shallow edge where she motioned for me to sit back down. She sat behind me and wrapped her thin legs around my waist. “Lift your arm over your head.” Her commands were not forceful, but she knew what she wanted. I raised my arm and let it rest on top of my head. She lathered my armpit in soap, slowly massaging the hair until it was relaxed. The razor’s edge felt strange in that vulnerable part of my body. She must have felt my tension because she rubbed the back of my neck with her free hand. She had shifted around beside me, looking up at me between careful strokes. Soon, she had my left armpit cleanly shaven. Trystan moved around and repeated her work on my right side. 

I would never tell her this, but I enjoyed it very much. Her touch, her care, were everything I could have asked for. More than that, though, she made me feel like less of a heathen animal, and more of the woman I wanted to be. I felt softer, demure. 

“I can do your legs too, if you like, Grace.” Trystan ran a soft hand across my thigh. I looked down, seeing the fine, blonde hair that had grown there all my life. Suddenly, I felt strange. Did Trystan have a dress she wanted me to wear next? She read my mind. “It’s okay if you don’t. It’s a lot to process at first.” 

Trystan moved behind me again, in the dying light of day, and massaged my shoulders and my back. Fucking amazing, let me tell you. Her hands were magic against my tired, sore muscles. I can’t remember ever having a back rub. I leaned into her touch, closing my eyes. Soon, her massaging fingers lingered along my spine, just touching me softly. “Grace, you’re really beautiful.” Her whisper was so soft, I barely heard it above the sound of the water. 

She lifted my left arm up and ran her fingers across the freshly shaven skin. It felt so fucking good. I loved being clean. I leaned my head back against her shoulder and allowed her to continue to caress my body. She reached around, exploring my chest, lower to each of my breasts. She was drawing imaginary lines over my skin, tracing me. It felt like she was drawing me. She went slowly, pressing herself into me. I had never allowed a woman to touch me like this, but gods it felt really good. I felt like a real person again. In that moment, I wasn’t some fucked up version of myself. I was me. I was beautiful, if only to Trystan. 

I let her shave my legs, just to watch her do it. The hair on my body is fine, and gave up without much resistance. She did not nick or cut me even once. When she was done, I sat in the shallow water, rubbing my legs, feeling how smooth they were. It felt really good to me. I looked up at Trystan as she rinsed off the razor. She glanced up at me and smiled, continuing her work on herself. I watched her bathe and shave, as if I had been with her since the beginning. I tried not to laugh at myself for being in this bizarre moment. 

Instead I stood up and found my clean clothes. I slipped them on even though I was still wet. I’d be dry by the time we walked back to the marina station. I shouldered my rifle and scanned the surroundings. I could hear Henry and Edwards coming. Their voices were raised in celebration. This was going to be a good night at camp. I waited for Trystan to join me. She wrapped herself in the beach towel, picked up her bag and slipped a small hand into mine as we walked back to join the others.


	11. Wolves

Edwards and Henry had bagged a young doe. There would be plenty of meat to feed us all tonight. I let go of Trystan’s hand before we got back to the marina. You and her sisters were near the boat dock, washing clothes and bathing also. You seemed to really like those kids. I tried to imagine you as someone other than who you were now. I imagined you with children of your own, a family. I turned my attention then to Henry, who was carving up our dinner. 

The guys had the deer laid out on an old picnic table, skinning it. Skinning. It was hard not to associate our dinner with the unacceptable alternative. I slipped my bare feet into my boots when I reached my pack. I laid down my cup of soap and my rifle and joined them. Their talk was purely on the success of the hunt. They were congratulating each other. I stared like an ignorant child as Henry used his big knife to cut into young muscles and tendons as he carved out steaks for everyone. 

I decided to make myself useful and gather some driftwood for a fire. We were pretty isolated out here. We hadn’t seen any people or machines in days at least. A fire wouldn’t hurt tonight. Everyone was needing the hearth. I hated to admit it, but I did too. My vulnerability with Trystan earlier was starting to make me feel like a weak woman, needy of the company of my tribe. 

I got a decent blaze going just as it started getting dark. The picnic area was equipped with a metal firepit with a grill. I couldn’t ask for more modern conveniences. We grilled deer steaks and ate until we were splitting at the seams. You had found a metal bait bucket in the marina. It was the type that you carried minnows in. My dad had one, I remember. You boiled water for us to drink. The vending machine snacks had lost a lot of their flavor and appeal, but still, we feasted. 

We sat around the fire, regaling each other with tales of our own travels. I tried hard to pay attention to what everyone had to say. The trouble was, when you’re trying to just hold it all together after JD, no one else’s stories really matter. Besides that, my body felt good for once. I was completely full for once. It was hard to even stay awake. I closed my eyes and stretched my legs in front of the fire. The heat of the flames felt different on my skin tonight. The girls laughed and teased each other. You made jokes at Henry’s expense. I can tell you like him. That’s okay. We’re not exclusive, obviously. I don’t know if you know about Trystan and me, but I guess it doesn’t matter if you do. 

The air was starting to cool down quite a bit. I realized I was still only wearing my underclothes and boots. I stood up to go check on my clothes by the dock, and that’s when I saw the light in the sky. It was just a white glow in the distance at first. I stood, entranced by it, wondering what it could be. Could I have really been that stupid? The spotlight grew closer and I watched it traverse the landscape, sweeping back and forth looking for something. 

Us. 

“Henry!” I yelled, grabbing my damp clothes. I pulled on my fatigues and stuffed the rest into my pack. In the dark, I could hear the whine of the HK engines growing closer. I listened to you order the girls to get inside the marina station at once. I picked up my rifle and prepared myself for the inevitable. 

“We have to run!” You yelled at me. I was still somewhat hypnotized by the sweeping search light coming right for us. Legion had spotted our fire. I fucking knew better than to light a fire so close to a commodity such as the goddamned river. Legion liked to hunt along spots like this, knowing that people needed water sources. I had just delivered us to the fucking machines. It probably wasn’t my fault. No one disputed having a fire after dark. None of us saw this coming. 

I slung my pack onto my back, grabbed my hat and headed up the hill to the station. My cup of soap lay in the dirt, forgotten. 

There was an eerie sound following the sweep of the HK. It almost sounded like drums or something in the distance. I closed my eyes and listened harder, trying to make it out. It wasn’t drums. But it was a pulse of some sort. “Henry, what the fuck is that?” I asked. I’d never heard it before. 

“It’s like sonar, radar. They’re tracking us.” I could hear the terror in his voice as we ducked around the side of the station. This shadow of a building was not going to protect us from a group of bloodthirsty Revs. We had to keep running. We had to get out of the range of that sonar that was pinging us. It would be the only way to survive. We’d get tired of running. As long as Legion was locked onto our location, the terminators would never tire of hunting us. 

I turned back around the corner with Henry as we both began firing shots into the dark. The glowing red eyes of at least 20 terminators were our only targets. We fired until they began firing back. Their weapons were so much better than ours. I wished there was a way to level the playing field against these mechanical bastards. Finally, we gave up trying to hold our position and took shelter inside the station.

The HK could be heard just overhead. They had us fucking pinned. I could see the spotlight shining down on the roof over us. The windows were flooded with light. We were going to die here. You were crouched behind the front desk with Trystan and her sisters. I did learn their names tonight. Sophie was 14. Elise was 11. All of the things I had registered from the conversation tonight seemed a hundred miles away from me now. The machines were crossing the river. I could hear metal feet sloshing through the water toward us. 

“We can’t stay here! We gotta go!” I yelled. I was fucking terrified. 

“No!” Henry yelled back. “If we step one foot out that door, that HK will mow us all down. Those cannons will cut us to pieces. 

“If we stay here, we’re going to die,” Edwards added. 

“We’re going to die either way,” Trystan’s voice was trembling. The laser type guns that Legion was using now had a peculiar sound to them. They were high pitched. Every shot fired whistled through the air. Naturally, people called them Whistlers. We ducked down onto the floor, watching the electric blue plasma shots tear through the flimsy walls of the station. I laid my weapon down, waiting for the end to come swiftly. 

The few intact windows shattered as Revs blasted holes through our shelter. If we had an opportunity to run, it was long gone. The machines were right on top of us. There was another sound behind the engines of the HK, behind the pinging of the sonar equipment. The rumble was familiar. It was man made. 

The entire room lit up. The whine of the engine stopped. I mean, it just stopped. The sonar stopped. The shooting stopped. The sound of something really big crashing outside was so loud and hard I thought the world was exploding. I covered my head and prayed for a swift death. That’s when I could smell the static electricity. The air was crackling. The silence was scary. I lifted my head to take a look, and the air outside was shimmering, silver and blue. 

“An EMP,” Edwards breathed hard. I looked around at every figure in the room, crouched and waiting for whatever happened next. “Someone set off a fucking blast.” 

The sound of a tank or something on tracks was growing closer, but it stopped somewhere in the distance. The EMP would have taken out any electrical mechanism, usually within a decent radius, sometimes for miles. 

I could hear yelling coming from outside. People were out there, beckoning us to go out. Shouts of “It’s okay!” and “We got ‘em all!” were heard in the distance. Who knew who had come to our rescue. It could have been anyone with the capacity and intuition to craft a unidirectional EMP. I’d seen one once before. It was a small, tactical weapon, designed like a claymore mine. When it was set off, it would basically spray it’s venom out in the direction of the enemy. Electromagnetic forces were hard to control, but anything could be forced on a particular path. Sometimes it backfired and disabled the user’s own equipment and vehicles. 

This was not the case. I could hear engines still running. I stood up, picked up my rifle and staggered to the door. The whole experience had left me seriously unsteady on my feet. It had unbalanced me. This fucking world was so bipolar. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re not, and then you are again. I opened the station door and looked out in the direction of all the cheering. The sky was bright blue and just shimmering. I could smell the ionization. 

Just up the road sat a tank, and one, two, maybe three trucks. They were all military style, but I had no idea who they belonged to. You were standing beside me before I even knew it. I felt your hand on my back, encouraging me to step outside. I moved forward, hearing the rest of you right on my heels. A group of soldiers were walking toward us. The whole scene was very surreal. If this had been a ghost town, the 6 figures were coming for me finally. 

We were greeted by two men and four women. They were all dressed in black fatigues. They called themselves the Resistance. They were out of Fort Bliss, Texas, heading home from maneuvers. 

The first man to speak was who I believed was in charge of this outfit. His name was Ruiz. He wasn’t any older than I was. He was Latino, with dark black hair and dark eyes. His smile revealed a mouthful of perfect white teeth. 

“We’ve been looking for those fuckers for two days. Sorry to use you all as bait, but we had to get them across the river. Your campfire was perfect.” He talked excitedly. Ruiz asked who we were and where we were headed. Henry stepped up, as our leader and began to tell him where we were from, how we came together and where we were going. 

Ruiz turned back to his comrades and discussed their next move. Unanimously, they decided to give us a ride to Carlsbad, offering their firepower and protection till we got to the base. 

It was a huge relief to have some backup out here. It also meant we’d get to the base quicker than on foot. After tonight, I couldn’t tolerate another day or two of stopping every hour to let the girls rest. 

As we loaded up, Ruiz and Henry talked about what was happening at Fort Bliss. Henry had originally wanted to head there when JD happened, but he never made it. Ruiz told him that every military branch was gathered there, at least what was left of them. Some woman in her late 30s was single handedly bringing everyone together, forming militias from survivor groups. She was recruiting and teaching people how to fight. Ruiz said her name was Dani Ramos, and her career looked very promising. 

I bit back a laugh. That sounded exactly like Dani. 

The HK had crashed right in the marina parking lot. One of the women was prying open the cockpit to salvage whatever tech she could. Legion took everything from us, so it was acceptable for us to steal from them whenever we could. I stepped up to help her pull the control panel apart. The whole craft was piloted remotely from some distant Legion server. She took out the motherboard and stuffed it into her backpack. Every weapon we had against the machines was a step closer to winning this goddamned war. 

“Where is Dani Ramos right now?” I asked, trying not to give myself away. Ruiz turned to regard me in the still glowing night air. 

“She’s at Bliss, as far as I know. She ordered our operation. We go out, we fight, we push back, and we recruit more members. Do you all maybe want to consider just coming to the base with us? We could use your help, in any capacity. We need fighters. We need civilians. We have a whole underground city where we live.” 

Henry answered before I had a chance to. “No, thanks, Sergeant. A ride to Carlsbad would be a hell of a good thing for us. They could use our help there too. From what I know, the outpost is small. A lot smaller than bliss, and not as heavily guarded. Every hand they can get is better for all of us.” 

Ruiz nodded and offered to let Henry ride in the truck with him. Henry politely refused, saying something about rangers sticking together. 

“Fair enough,” He said to Henry. Ruiz looked at me and smiled. He let his head fall back and his mouth opened and he howled into the night sky. I didn’t see that coming. The other thing I didn’t see coming were how the others in his unit joined in. At least ten people were howling in unison. That’s when I saw the paint on the side of their vehicles, like decals denoting their specific unit. 21st Ordinance Battalion, C Company. Alpha Wolfpack. That was really fucking cool. I really wanted to go with them, to be a part of something that fierce. 

I looked at the rest of us, you, Trystan, her sisters, our guys. We were Rangers from Carlsbad. That was all we had to identify us, for now. I felt a unity in our group that wasn’t there before. I raised my voice to the moonless sky, howling with the wolves. Soon, we were all doing it. It was a simple way to flip the bird at the machines.


	12. Heads

Okay. So, there’s a thing or two I have failed to tell you. I kind of grew up at the Carlsbad outpost. I know I made it sound vague earlier, like I didn’t know it. But when Dani found me in Las Cruces, we went to Carlsbad. It wasn’t really an outpost then. It also didn’t have a name then. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what Henry and Edwards were talking about when they said they were headed there. It was just another group of survivors with guns. Not a lot of guns, really. You could almost say that it was a doomsday prepper starter kit. There were a lot of people there with the same thing in mind: survival. That took on any form necessary. It was a kill or be killed world. 

I was just barely 15 when Dani dropped me off there. I won’t say she abandoned me, because she came back quite frequently. She always had stuff for me, too. One time she brought me new boots. One time she brought me a knife and some clothes. She found a couple of old comic books she thought I would like. The point was, I lived at Carlsbad for a few years until she came back that last time. That’s when I dropped off and left the group entirely. The people at the outpost were nice enough, but the whole scene wasn’t for me. The place never even had a name. It was just a camp where people lived. I didn’t even know for a long time that it was anywhere close to Carlsbad. Like I said, I stayed off the main roads as much as I could. I had no idea how far I had wandered over the last few years. 

At any rate, we pulled up to the outpost just before dark. It wasn’t lit up like I expected. There was a time when the yard lights were on all night, like a beacon for the lost. According to Ruiz, there had been an uptick of Legion activity in the area. Everyone was doing their best just to stay invisible. 

The night I cried about joining this group of rangers, it wasn’t entirely because I was sad to be left alone. It was because I was worried about where we were going. David and Celie Alberts were decent people. They’d been like second parents to me. They raised me right and taught me how to shoot. David, though a little soft, was a better leader than some of the people there. The turmoil at the outpost was always thick. There was always about to be some sort of coup, to overthrow David. Nothing ever stuck. It was all mostly talk, maybe a couple of fistfights. 

The real problem at Carlsbad was the religion. I use that term loosely. You see, we had this old preacher wander in when I was about 17. He had a long, scraggly black beard and hair. He was missing a few of his front teeth. He was tall and way too thin. His hands shook when he held that bible out to show you his faith. David told me his hands shook so much because he’d eaten too many people. David said it made you crazy after a while. It made sense, because Preacher Nicks was about as batshit as they came. He started every day gathering his faithful few. He’d stand out on the courtyard and preach his gospel. I don’t know for certain because I’ve never read the bible; but I really have a hard time believing that aliens came down and invaded earth in the form of machines. Nicks told everyone that the aliens were angels and they were sent here to destroy the wicked. 

A lot of crazy religions popped up after the end of the world. I guess people just needed a way to explain what had happened. I read somewhere once that’s how pagan religions created all their different gods. Each god explained something in the natural world around them. Nicks, though, he had a special way of infuriating some of us while completely converting others. He caught me behind a building one day and started preaching that alien crap. He kept asking if I knew who the one true God was; also if I was going to be among those slaughtered by the angels. I politely told him to fuck off, but he pressed me further. His hands were so shaky. There was this look in Nicks’ eyes that told me he was fucking crazy. I got scared and kneed him right in the balls before I ran away. That was part of the reason I left the post. 

Coming back was strange. I just wanted to forget about this place. Once we arrived back, I found out why. 

The entire place was completely run down. It looked worse now than when I left. There was trash everywhere, for starters. Second, the front gate wasn’t even shut, let alone locked. There was no electricity anymore. The post had been doing business with a private refinery a few miles south, trading for diesel to run the generators. That trade was apparently null and void now. The smell was ungodly. I don’t know what was or wasn’t going on here, but it made me want to turn and walk right out of there. 

Ruiz and the Wolves did not stay. If I’d had half a brain, I would have gone to Bliss with them. At least that way I could have seen Dani again. Instead, you convinced me to hang around while we figured out the power problems and helped clean up and secure the area better. Henry and Edwards were adamant about getting those projects started right away. 

David looked no worse for the wear, other than he was really pale. He looked like he hadn’t been out of his office since I left years ago. There was also a distinct look of fear in his eyes. He hugged me, but there was just nothing to it, no love or excitement. David was just going through the motions. It wasn’t difficult to convince him to let us work on the post. He seemed like he wasn’t in charge anymore. One other thing? Celie was gone. David wouldn’t say what happened. 

The Carlsbad post was pretty spooky that first night. There were no sounds coming from within the camp. It was dead quiet. You said it felt like a ghost town, and I agreed. David said things were different during the day, but asked us to remain quiet for the night till we figured out how things worked. You didn’t like the sound of that. I scanned the area, looking for the nearest exit. Something about this whole place was wrong. It was palpable. I could literally smell it. 

David sent us to the north end to take up quarters. Edwards and Henry roomed together. Trystan and her sisters took another room, leaving you and I to bunk up together. That was okay because it gave us time to talk. 

I laid my pack down by my bed. It was just an old twin size bunk, probably looted from Ft. Bliss. The springs were entirely too squeaky. The mattress smelled funny, but at least the blankets were clean. I sprawled out and laid there, listening to you try and get comfortable on your rack. 

“What do you think is going on here?” You asked me quietly. 

“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right, whatever it is.” Since I had told you about being here one other time, you knew about Nicks now. That was my gut feeling, truth be told. Perhaps Nicks had somehow got his hand around the collective throat here. I would find out in the morning, come hell or high water. 

I woke up in the middle of the night to you creeping into my bed. I slid over to the edge to give you some room. I had missed laying with you at night. Ever since the girls came along, you and I were kind of a non-issue. There were just other things to be done. There was also Trystan. I didn’t want to give her the wrong impression about me. I wasn’t out for a relationship with anyone. Basically, the closest I ever came to having a real partner was you. 

Your body felt familiar against mine. I really missed you. I spooned you, wrapped my arm around you and pulled you against me. I liked your body heat and your quiet breathing. You were really relaxed next to me. That had a way of calming me down. As we laid there in my bunk, I felt you drift off quickly to sleep. I closed my eyes and tried, but all I could think about was the fucking camp. Why did David just look like a shadow of his former self? Where was everyone? Why was the place trashed? 

Early morning came too fast. I did not want to get up. You were already up and dressed and headed out the door when I opened my eyes. You didn’t even say anything to me when you left. I reached down into my shorts and wrapped my hand around myself, getting myself fully hard. I stroked slowly, thinking about you being pressed against me. Your ass was so firm and warm all night long. I thought about fucking you hard. Throwing you down on the bed and just plowing you. I jerked myself off fast. Coming did not take long. I let my own seed flow onto my belly. I didn’t want to soil the blankets. I wiped it all off with my shirt, which needed washed anyway, and tossed it into the corner. I got dressed and started my day of investigations. 

I stepped out into the main area of the post. It was an open space separating the barracks from the main hall. The main building was something like an old garage, with big bay doors. I remember they were open during daylight hours, and people went in and out all day long. Everything here was shut down. The place was oddly deserted. I went into the hall through the side door behind David’s office. I expected to run into someone by now. There was just no one around. I searched through the bay for some kind of clue as to what was happening. There was trash everywhere. The building smelled like shit. It smelled like the septic tanks were full. 

I left the main hall and went down to the common building where we used to eat. The main door was propped open half way with a large rock. This was the first promising sign I’d seen so far. I took my boonie hat off and stepped through the door. It was dark inside. I don’t know what the fuck was going on, but it wasn’t right. 

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw about 15 people sitting around the tables eating. No one looked up at me when I came in. It was like I was watching ghosts of the past on replay. They didn’t seem to even know I was there. That is, until I saw David in the far corner. He looked up at me, and his eyes lit up. He didn’t say anything. I walked over to him. 

“David, what the-” 

He stood up and grabbed the collar of my shirt and jerked me down next to him. “Don’t talk,” he whispered quietly. I looked around at everyone, all lost in some sort of silent contemplation. David slid me an apple and a piece of bread. I ate quietly, looking around at the room. What was going on here? We finished eating, and I noticed that even though everyone else was done eating too, no one moved. They all sat, heads down, arms crossed in front of them. They looked like they were praying. My heart began to sink down into my belly. The bread and apple were not sitting well below it. 

I looked at David, who was also sitting the same way. He nudged me again and again until I did the same thing. I put my head down and crossed my arms and waited. What the fuck were we waiting for? 

I heard boots at the door. I looked up and saw you and Henry standing in the doorway. I straightened up so you would see me move. When you looked at me, I shook my head. I hoped you would get the point and turn around and run screaming. I watched Henry grab your arm and pull you away from the door. I breathed out hard, thankful you two were not in here. I felt like this was some sort of trap. 

The sound of banging on a metal trash can made every nerve in my body explode. It was so loud and obnoxious. It grew louder as someone moved from the back of the mess hall to where we were. I tried to look down and not draw attention to myself, but I could not help it. A procession of people was coming through. A single file line of men, women, and children entered the room. They all had their heads down, but there was something strange. They all had their hands tied in the front with heavy rope. I shifted uncomfortably, wanting to run to you and Henry. Whatever this was, I didn’t want any fucking part of it. David kicked me under the table. I wasn’t supposed to be looking, but I couldn’t resist. 

The four men, four women, and four children were all completely filthy. I think half the bad smell in the camp was them. They were followed in by six men in dark clothing. Robes. They all had a red swath of paint or something across the front. Finally, another man entered the room. I saw him out of the corner of my eye. Nicks. He still had that ugly beard, only it was several inches longer now. He was still holding that bible. Apparently, he was also holding the seat of power here. 

The procession stopped in the center of the mess hall. Everyone tied up bent to their knees without looking up, without making any noise. I was getting scared. If the shit hit the fan, I only had my pistol, and David probably wouldn’t be much help. He looked about half indoctrinated himself. 

“Brothers and sisters! Good morning!” Nicks yelled. The volume was a bit unnecessary. I think he just did it to assert his power. 

A low moan emanated from the room. No one actually spoke. It seemed like they were expected to acknowledge him, but not actually speak. No one looked up. 

“As you know, God has judged this place.” Nicks continued, walking around the room. I wished to be anywhere on this fucked up planet but here. I bowed my head and tried to blend. I knew that was impossible. I was fresh meat. Another low moan in response to Nicks’ words. 

“This place was found wanting by the Savior, our Lord. This place was bent on consuming everything: fuel, food, each other. But we sorted it out, didn’t we?” 

The low moan again. Even David was doing it. 

“These 12 souls have been chosen, my brethren!” 

“Mmmmm.” This was beyond weird. 

“Chosen! For sacrifice! To appease the angels!” 

Fuck. He was still on about the angels. One of the children began to cry. I looked up to watch one of the six robed men kick the boy in the side. This was too fucking much already. I started to stand, but David’s fist in my shirt was forceful. How was I supposed to sit here and let this happen? I could take out all of them just with the pistol, if they weren’t armed. I looked closer at them, but they gave nothing away beneath those robes. 

“Today, my brothers and sisters, we will send these chosen ones to the field, where they will offer themselves to the angels. Their gift of blood and bone will be LOVED by God! God will look upon us favorably again! The sacrifice of the 12 will make us worthy of entrance into His kingdom!” 

What the fuck was this guy on?! Seriously. I knew that Nicks ate too much human flesh. It made him weird, but this was just fucking crazy. His cheese had slid off his damn cracker. 

“Mmmmm.” 

And off of everyone else’s too.


	13. Full Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content warning...mild torture ahead.

I couldn’t help but stare at everyone in the mess hall. This might have been the strangest thing I had seen yet. And I’ve seen a lot of fucked up shit. There were only about 15 people, plus the “sacrifices” in the congregation. I wanted to get the fuck out of there and find out where everyone else was. As I looked around the room, waiting for a time to escape unnoticed, I accidentally locked eyes with Nicks. There was a flicker of recognition in his gaze. There was also something hugely tormented in him. I know that a tall blonde that kneed him in the crotch was probably not so easy to forget, no matter how long ago it was. I was sticking out like a sore thumb here. 

Nicks broke the eye contact as if he’d not even noticed me. He went on to lead the group out of the hall. David grabbed my shirt and pulled me along with him. His hand was in a death grip on my sleeve. He was pulling my shirt so tight that it felt like he might be cutting off the circulation. I yanked my arm free of his grasp and fell in line behind everyone. I just wanted to be able to see everyone. 

Outside, the daylight was fire. For late August, early September, the temperature was rising fast. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The line of people to be sacrificed moved slowly through the compound, flanked on both sides by the men in robes. They each carried a long staff that looked like salvaged driftwood, all knobby and bent. They were all thick enough to inflict damage though. They weren’t ceremonial staves only. These were weapons. Occasionally, if someone fell out of line, out of step, they were prodded hard with the pointy end of the staff. These men spared no one from the pain, not even the fucking kids. 

From my position, I looked around, trying to spot you guys. I didn’t see you or Henry at all again. I thought I saw Edwards poke his head out of the barracks door and retreat just as fast. I couldn’t tell if it was him though. Trystan and her sisters were nowhere to be found. I hoped they found a quiet hiding place during all of this. David fell back to step beside me. I looked at him, but he just looked down at the ground. He whispered something that I’ll never forget. 

“It is better to be the right hand of the devil than in his path.” 

I looked back up and Nicks had turned around with a robed henchman and was heading right toward us. His pace was quick and he was covering a lot of ground fast. I didn’t have time to think about running. I pulled the pistol out of my holster and aimed it right at Nicks. 

“Not another fucking step, you psycho!” I yelled. Everyone stopped, but no one turned around. I thought I heard the faint clicking of a tongue. Two clicks for go. I looked around for you, but saw no one. The sun was blinding me. 

Nicks stopped in his tracks with the henchman at his side. The man in the robe held his staff in both hands, stepping between Nicks and myself. I should have just shot him then. I hesitated, holding off. Maybe I could talk my way out of this. 

“I remember you,” Nicks began. Having a gun pulled on him seemed like something he was used to. It didn’t rattle him in the least. He looked like he was chewing on his words before spitting them out. 

“What the hell is going on here?” I felt the other robed figures closing in on me. I pointed the gun at them also, but they did not stop. Panic began to rise up inside me. My adrenaline was pumping. My hands started to shake. “I said stop! Stop moving!” I yelled again, to no avail. I tried to swallow but my throat was closing up. I couldn’t breathe anymore, and I was being pulled down to the ground by an unseen force. 

“Go with it.” David whispered in my ear. The garrote around my throat was tight enough just to subdue me. I choked and spit and fired the gun, hitting one of Nicks’ minions in the shoulder. He staggered back, groaning, clutching his arm. David was pulling me down, holding me. I dropped the pistol and reached behind my head. I’d claw his fucking eyes out if I could. My sight was getting blurry. I could not draw breath at all. The pain of asphyxiation was unbearable. I’d have screamed if I could. This was fucking scary. 

“Don’t struggle.” I remember hearing him say as my consciousness slipped into darkness. 

I don’t know how long I was out. When I woke up though, I was curled into the fetal position on the ground. I was sweating and hot. My throat hurt pretty bad. I reached up to touch it, making sure David had not cut me. Everything felt ok, I guess. I tried to sit up and hit my head on something hard and unforgiving. As I got my bearings, I realized I was in a cage. It was too small for me to stand up in, too small for me to stretch out in. I had to sit with my legs pulled up to my chest. I was also mostly undressed. I did not have my fatigues on or my boots. I was wearing my boxers and my tank top. My hat was gone too. Absolutely no pistol. One man stood guard. He wore a black shirt and pants, boots to match. He had that red swath down the front of him and a tribal tattoo running up his neck which disappeared into his hair. He was mid to late thirties, with a full dark beard and mustache. His eyes were black as coal. He stared off into the distance, not acknowledging me at all. 

I was so thirsty. I was sitting in this fucking cage in full sun, half naked. My mouth was dry as a bone. I felt my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth. 

“How about some water?” I asked. The guard said nothing. “Seriously, man. Just a swig of something.” 

The staff came down on top of the cage swiftly. The crack made me shudder and curl into myself tighter. “Got it. No water.” He kicked the side of the cage with his boot, which caught me in the hip. I’ll admit, that fucking hurt bad. It sent me sprawling against the other side of my prison. The cage was made of wood, with chain link fence enclosing it. It was just a box they put me in to roast in the sun. All I could do was wait. 

I was going to kill David the next chance I got. At least I’d make him wish he was dead. What the fuck was that bullshit about the right hand of the devil? Was David working for Nicks now? Was he just afraid of being the next sacrifice? And where the hell was everyone??? 

I laid my head down on my knees and tried not to think about how hot it was or how thirsty I was getting. I also had to take a shit, and that was becoming pretty uncomfortable. My skin was starting to burn in the midday sun. I can’t tolerate the sun with my light complexion. If they didn’t let me out of here soon, I’d be burnt to a crisp. Maybe that was Nicks’ plan all along. 

The afternoon dragged on for fucking centuries. My stomach was cramping. I was so thirsty I couldn’t stand it. “Hey,” I croaked to the guard. “Can I please have some water?” 

The staff hit the side of the cage again and it rattled my teeth. Guess I wasn’t getting any water. This was really getting bad for me. I’m not a pussy. I can take what is thrown at me, but this was literally torture. 

I woke again just as the sun was setting. I have no idea how long I’d been in the cage. I didn’t wake up because they were releasing me or bringing me anything to drink. I woke up because the mosquitoes were eating me alive and my whole body ached. I’d give anything to stretch out, but it was impossible to extend my legs all the way. I slapped at bugs for a long time. As soon as I killed one, two more landed, sucking me dry. The guard had changed while I was out. 

I felt like I was going crazy. My skin was burning, and touching it was painful. Slapping bugs was a whole new torture in itself. It felt like every inch of me was on fire. My ears were blistered along the edges. I felt my nose, detecting another big blister. I was so fucked. I was dehydrated and holding in this shit wasn’t going last much longer. I was reluctant to speak again. The last guard had just hit the cage with a staff. In the dying light, I could see this new guy was holding a cattle prod. 

I just laid my head back down and tried to take myself to a different place entirely. I tried to focus on being back in camp with Dani at my side. I missed her terribly. She would have never let this happen to me. Where were you, for that matter? Henry? Edwards? Trystan? I remembered the Pecos river where Trystan and I shared a moment in time. That water was so cool, so refreshing. My mouth was beyond dry. My tongue was swollen and my head was pounding. 

Sometime in the middle of a night (I still don’t know how long I was there. I’d lost all track of time). I was jolted awake by something incredibly painful. The fucking guard had rammed that cattle prod into the chain link fence piece and the electricity soared through me. I kicked out involuntarily, and cried too. I’m not proud to admit this, but I also pissed and shit myself right then. This motherfucker standing over me laughed about it and hit the fence again, sending me scrambling to the center of the cage. There wasn’t much of a center about it. I just pulled my arms, legs, and head in as tight as I could, trying not to touch anything around me. All I could smell was the stink of myself. Though he had stopped laughing, I could still hear it in my head. 

I don’t know what was going on anymore. It was still dark outside when I woke up again. I was delirious. I thought I heard your voice. I thought I heard Trystan too. There was a solid thud, sounding like bone connecting with something hard like a brick or a metal pipe. I watched the guard’s body fall to the ground, motionless. It was like watching something in slow motion. He fell, arms out to the side, and I saw his head bounce off the ground. My eyes rolled back in my head and I just tried to go somewhere else again. I must have been dreaming. 

Hands were under my arms, pulling me. Surely this was all a dream. My legs finally let go of all the tension from being pressed against my body. Humans are not meant to stay in that position for long periods of time. It was ridiculous. My back was so sore, I felt like I had been broken in half. I felt my bare feet dragging through the dirt, then over warm concrete. I stopped moving somewhere in the darkness. I could see figures around me. 

“Grace, drink.” A cool hand was on the back of my neck, lifting me up slightly. Something was being pressed to my mouth and I felt the cold water splash against my chapped lips. I opened my throat and tried to swallow everything all at once. I felt dead, and that first drink of water was giving me life again. Now I knew how my mother’s houseplants felt most of the time. I couldn’t get enough to drink. I pushed my head harder into what I assume was a canteen, only to feel it being pulled away. 

“Go easy.” I recognized that voice. It was you. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I just opened my mouth like a baby bird, hoping to be fed. 

“More,” I gasped. My voice box wasn’t working properly. I needed more water. The canteen met my lips again and I drank greedily, sucking down as much as I could before it was wrested from my mouth again. You let me have more this time. Unfortunately, my stomach cramped up again and I gagged, vomiting water all over my self. What a waste. 

“Get her some clothes, Trystan,” you said softly. I didn’t know where we were. There was nothing lighting the way that I could see. “Rest, Grace. You’re pretty fucked up right now. Your skin is burnt badly from the sun. You’re dehydrated. We’re going to get you cleaned up and put you to bed soon. Just let us help you, okay?” 

I nodded, opening my mouth for more water. I couldn’t move if I wanted to. To add insult to injury, not only was my skin on fire from the sun, but it was itching from the mosquitoes. You pressed the canteen into my hands and shifted around to hold me up with your shoulder. I don’t know how you could stand the smell of me. 

My senses were starting to return, even though I was weak. Every drink I took drove more life into me. I gathered up the energy and courage to speak. “How long?” Those were the only words I could manage. 

“Two days and tonight.” You whispered. I felt your hand on the back of my head, supporting me gently. I think my scalp was burned off too. I remembered a movie from my childhood about cowboys and indians. The indians always took scalps of the enemy. If I ever thought scalping felt like anything, this would be it. I could hear running water. We must have been by a river or stream somewhere. There was a little creek that ran near the outpost. Maybe we were there? I had no idea. 

Hands carefully held me everywhere. I was being picked up by all of you I think. I closed my eyes, not sure what was happening, or if any of this was real. I kept a solid grip on the canteen, not wanting to let that go ever again. “What’s? Where are?” I couldn’t formulate complete sentences. 

“Quiet now, Grace. Just let us help you.” Henry’s voice was strong and deep. He was holding me at my shoulders. My head rested against his belly. We stopped suddenly and I felt my feet grow cold as ice. It felt so good. The cold was creeping up my ankles into my calves. My tank top and shorts were being stripped off of me. 

“Sit.” You were propping me up, but my legs wouldn’t hold me, and you lowered me down into the water. It was the best feeling ever. I inhaled sharply at the complete contrast of my burning skin and the freezing water. “Quick, Henry. She’ll go into shock if we leave her here too long.” You urged him to quickly wash me. The rag across my back and shoulders was almost too cold, but it was bringing me back to reality more and more. You washed my lower half, and I felt ashamed of myself, but I couldn’t have done it on my own. I closed my eyes and let it happen. I gave myself over to the rangers. 

I was then being lifted, after feeling like I had been baptized. That was actually a strange way to reference the incident. After meeting the religious cult at the base and being subjected to their methods of discipline, baptism was not something I would ever consider. But this was different. I was one of you. You cared for me as one of your own. I felt a wool blanket over my shoulders, but it was too much on my hot skin. The scratchy fibers were excruciating. I heard you whisper to me that it was okay. The only places on me that weren’t burnt were my torso and my ass. You made me lift my arms and you wrapped the blanket around me that way. Much better. 

There was no fire tonight. Two stood watch all night. Trystan and Edwards, I think. You helped me lay down in a tent. Every part of me hurt. I couldn’t see you in the dark, but I felt you close, sitting beside me. I reached my hand out blindly, finding your knee. You covered my hand with yours gently, and pushed the refilled canteen into my other hand. If I'd had enough moisture in me, I probably would have cried.


	14. An Eye for an Eye

It took a few days for me to heal up from that awful fucking sunburn. By a few days, I mean two weeks. I was blistered all down my shoulders and arms. My face wasn’t spared either. My legs were pretty much fried. I was very lucky I didn’t get an infection when the blisters broke. I tried hard not to pick at them or pop them. 

Trystan and her sisters were able to gather some aloe vera plants for me. That was the greatest gift the gods ever gave to humans. I smeared that stuff all over me for days until the burn quit hurting. Once the pain quit, I was pretty much pissed off about the whole situation. Nicks and his men were killing people, sacrificing them to the fucking machines. I still have no idea where everyone went. Nicks either ran them off, or they were offered up to Legion. It was hard to say in those first few days, but I was determined to find out. 

Nicks had a way about him that commanded people’s obedience. He talked a great game, listing all the reasons that humanity would fail. That bullshit about the machines being sent here by aliens, though, that was stupid. Everyone knew that people created Legion. It got smarter than us and it took over. How Nicks was ever able to convince anyone differently is beyond me. Then again, Nicks was insane, by all accounts. 

There was a town in southern Wyoming, called Evanston. I heard that Nicks came from there. He had a following of several dozen people. Men and women alike worshipped the ground he walked on. I guess since Judgement Day, people were thirsty for leadership, and they’d just take whatever they could get. Nicks had this whole conspiracy theory about how our past leaders were trying to cover up the existence of aliens. They were supposed to have created the lie that we actually created the AI that destroyed everything. When there was no proof either way, people kind of flocked to the guy with the loudest voice. 

Evanston, Wyoming, used to be a fairly large town, I learned. There was one thing about it though. It was the site of the state mental hospital. Evanston Hospital was a city unto itself. It was a lockdown facility that housed thousands. It was rumored that Nicks lived there most of his life, being treated for schizophrenia, before Judgement Day. After JD, though, many of the inmates stayed on because they had nowhere else to go. The place deteriorated into a cesspool. I heard you could smell it for miles away. I can’t go into details about what went on there after JD, but I’m sure you get the idea. 

At any rate, Nicks was a psychopath in my book. He deserved every bit of what I was planning for him. It wasn’t going to be pretty, but it would happen fast. I talked to all of you about it, hoping for support from the rangers. Henry was in all the way. Edwards didn’t want to have anything to do with it. He was pretty superstitious. He said that if you fucked with God in any way, whether it was an actual religion or a cult, it would come back to bite you in the ass. It didn’t matter to me either way. I’d seen Hell. It doesn’t scare me. What scares me are men like Nicks who just get away with whatever they want because there is no law. 

I guess that makes me a vigilante, doling out justice one camp at a time. I’m not saying Nicks doesn’t deserve to live. I’m saying he doesn’t need to be in charge of anything anymore. If that means killing him, so be it. That’ll be on my head, and I can live with it. I saw those poor kids, tied up, being jabbed with sticks. I know what awaited them out there in that field. They were bait for the beast. Nicks started this, and I’m going to end it. 

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. You were on the fence about it. Edwards was talking shit about the whole idea, saying we’d all burn in hell for it. Henry and I had Trystan convinced at least. Her sisters were too young to fight, so we kept them out of it for the most part. I told you that I’d go alone if I had to. I needed your support. As far as I could tell, and as far as Henry knew, there were no weapons bigger than the pistols carried by Nicks’ henchmen. We had rifles at least. We had a decent supply of ammunition. Taking out Nicks and his men wouldn’t be difficult. I wanted to at least get David out of there first. I don't’ know what happened to him, but his new persona was a little scary. I really don’t believe he strangled me because he wanted to. I think he’s been brainwashed into serving Nicks. Fear is ruling David right now. For his own good, he needs to be taken out of the camp. 

According to Henry, our little camp was about 2 miles from the outpost. I’m actually surprised Nicks hadn’t come after us. Maybe he thought we were gone. It wouldn’t surprise me if his ego was really that big. I wanted us to take a good look around and see if the rest of the population was hiding out here too. You didn’t think it was a good idea yet, with Nicks still out there. “Never underestimate your opponent,” you said one night. You were right. I was letting my anger cloud my judgement. 

First things first. We had to sneak up on the outpost and watch from a safe distance. We needed to “case the joint” as Henry would say. We needed to know what we’d be up against. Maybe we could just walk in and liberate the population easily. Perhaps they were basically enslaved by Nicks. Then again, perhaps they were true believers. Those were the most dangerous people. They’d die for whatever they believed in. 8 or 10 enemies could suddenly turn into 25. Even with rifles and pistols, we’d be fucked. 

We traveled in twos. Henry and I went out first. We got within a quarter mile of the outpost when we saw the fire. It was blazing in the central area. With Henry’s field glasses, it didn’t look like any structures were burning. What it did look like was some sort of effigy. It was mostly engulfed by the flames, but it resembled a deer or an elk. What were they doing? Praying for meat? It was hard to understand these post-apocalyptic cults. What we could see were about 25 to 30 people, Nicks and his guards, standing around the fire. What I wouldn’t have given for a guided missile in that moment. I could have taken out the entire heretical scene with one shot. 

In all, it looked like there were at most, 45 people at the outpost. It was a far cry from the hundreds that used to live there. With a few well-placed bullets, we could take out Nicks and his men. Eager as I was, Henry eased me back by telling me recon wasn’t finished. We needed to know more. There still could have been others in the camp. We also still had not seen any weapons to speak of. That night, we sent you and Edwards out to look. Knowing Nicks, there would be guards posted around the fences now that we were out here. That is, if Nicks actually thought we’d come back. And we were going to, with a vengeance. I was just waiting patiently for that moment. 

The evidence showed that there were no real weapons in the camp. If there were, they were not being used. Nicks was ruling with an iron fist made entirely of fear. I remember there being an armory in the main hall. Henry said it should still be there. If we were going in, securing that armory would be paramount to our victory over Nicks. Also, we never counted more than 40 people at once. Nicks and his men were easy targets to pull out of the crowd. They wore the black robes with the red stripe down the front. I honestly cannot see how they hadn’t been sniped already. 

Early mornings at the outpost seemed the safest time to get in. Gatherings like the bonfire were rare. Most of the gatherings happened inside. In other words, we’d have to go into the base to take them out. Our plan consisted of starting in the barracks, where Nicks’ men bedded down at night. They were up with the sun, so our plan was to go in just before dawn. Nicks was another matter. He slept in the main hall. There were several rooms behind the main bay. Some were for storage, one was David’s office, and another was where David and Celie slept. We’d have to be quick and quiet checking every room. We could wait till he was up and moving to the mess hall and just shoot him on sight. Henry, however, said that we needed just to get in and out quick. 

Having David as an asset would be critical. He could tell us how the population really felt about Nicks. He’d be able to explain whether they were captives or believers. That would dictate how we proceeded. It left one question: was the outpost worth salvaging at all? Another question was this: was my own personal need for revenge jeopardizing the rangers and possibly more innocent lives? I had to rationalize it. I had to believe that what we were doing was a good thing, that it was more than my own ego driving us forward. 

We decided to kidnap David. 

It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Henry went in, pulled a gun on him in bed, and directed him out of camp silently. David wanted to go. He was all too happy to comply. Once they reached our little camp, David started spilling all that he knew. Nicks had run off everyone with half a brain. The people that remained were true believers, at least David thought so. No one stood up to him, even though there were no weapons. The armory had been emptied years ago. One of the guards had a pistol, but David was sure it was empty. 

Basically, the outpost was now a cult compound. With David missing, it would only be a matter of hours before they figured it out. We could either leave them be and make our way to Ft. Bliss. Admittedly, that wasn’t a terrible idea. Or, we could stay and take the Carlsbad outpost back. Either way, we had our work cut out for us. We put it to a vote that night. You, Henry, Trystan, David, and I all voted to stay and cull the flock, as it were. Edwards pouted a little. He was afraid of the consequences of killing religious believers. That was fine. I didn’t care what he believed. If he didn’t want any part of this, he could stay behind and babysit Trystan’s sisters. 

That night, you sat behind me in the tent, peeling the dead skin away from my shoulders. It felt pretty good just to be touched again. You had a calming effect on me, almost to a fault. I relaxed so much, I began to doubt what we were doing here. We should just pack up and leave. Fuck this place. There was nothing holding us here. I tried explaining this as quietly as I could. I couldn’t be heard dissenting to my own idea. I could not be the voice of doubt right now, but I trusted you to counsel me. You had a good point about not giving anything to Legion. Not one more human life, if we could help it. And in this case, you said, we could help it. David said if Nicks had his way, he’d sacrifice everyone to “the angels”. Sounded like a regular death cult to me. The real problem would be convincing that many believers, all left behind, that this was for the best. We’d run them out if we had to, if they weren’t willing to work with us after dispatching Nicks and his crew. 

Your hands felt good on my fresh skin. They felt so good, I felt myself leaning back into you. You wrapped your arms around my shoulders, pulling me close. I shut my eyes and let myself enjoy your presence. It seemed like years since we’d been like this. I missed you. From the way you were holding me, you missed me too. I leaned my head back on your shoulder, and you started kissing my neck very softly. I moaned quietly, trying not to raise the whole camp around us. We had the tent to ourselves, which was nice. Your hands slipped down my chest, under my tank top. Your fingertips were like silk on my breasts. I loved the way you touched me. I gripped your thighs as you locked your legs around me from behind. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have sex or just be like this for a while. I turned my head toward you and kissed you. That was something I didn’t really do that much. Kissing made things too personal for me. But your kiss brought me joy. It let me feel connected, rooted in this world. You had really nice lips too. They were soft, not too big, and never really chapped. Fuck, mine were always split open for one reason or another. 

I told you if you didn’t stop touching me like that, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. You whispered in my ear, “I don’t want you to stop.” The rush of lust I felt then was too strong for me to stifle. Clothes came off. Hands were touching bodies everywhere. We were a mess of hard and wet, sweaty and hot. It was the hottest sex we’d ever had. Maybe it was just the absence of each other that made it so invigorating. I don’t know what it was, but it was damn good. I loved making you come at least twice before I did. I love the way you grab on to my back and pull me in close when you have an orgasm. The quiet panting and obscene slapping of wet skin sends me over the edge with you. Coming down with you is nice too. We don’t have to talk. We don’t have to be close or emotional. I’m learning to be more comforting, holding you for a while as your body steadies itself. You’ve been really cool about everything, and I don’t feel forced to give you anything I can’t. I could love you just for that. It sounds weird, but if I said it, I think you’d get it. 

We slept for a few hours before Henry woke us before dawn. It was time.


	15. Salutation to the Sun

As long as I have lived, I never believed in killing innocent people. I have always thought that every living thing deserved a chance, with the exception of skinners and slavers. They didn’t deserve a drop of my spit. I saw them do too much damage. I watched them hurt innocent people. Skinners and slavers were animals as far as I was ever concerned. Nicks and his people were a new breed. I wasn’t sure what to make of them. 

I thought for sure that by relieving his followers of his presence, Nicks’ people would wake from the spell they were under. Henry tried to explain that it probably wasn’t true. He said that they might be so brainwashed that if we took Nicks out, they’d fight for him. The whole thing was risky. I hoped to hell that Henry was wrong for once. 

We rolled out just before the sun came up. Henry had returned from his watch, saying the crowd was still out in the main courtyard doing some sort of predawn ritual. He said he’d never seen anything like it. They had a head on a spike, underneath a large fire. Henry told us the head was from a Rev model 2. I could just picture it. Nicks worshipped the machines. He had convinced a small group of people to follow him. What they thought they’d get out of this arrangement was beyond me. Fucking craziness. 

We hiked to the edge of the outpost. The light was getting a little better. We moved quickly through the dark, using Nicks’ fire for guidance. I really just wanted to leave this place behind. I know I kind of grew up here, with David, but it was a different place back then. Back in the day, you weren’t afraid to make noise. There wasn’t this stranglehold of religious idiocy on the place. There were hundreds more people. There was electricity and running water. Whatever Nicks had done, this place was no longer home to anyone. 

As I walked through the thick bushes and tall grass leading up to the perimeter fence, I caught someone standing a few yards to my left. I turned my head and saw a Rev 2 standing there. I clicked my tongue three times to stop everyone. I looked back to see you all staring at me. I motioned to my right, clicked my tongue once and everyone dropped. I put the Rev into my rifle sights. It wasn’t moving. It wasn’t looking at us. I blinked a few times, in case my eyes were just playing tricks on me. Moving my scope up and down the Rev revealed that it was wearing tattered clothing. Through the rags that used to be a shirt, I could see a ribcage. I looked back at you and motioned for you to all stay behind. I needed to check this shit out. 

Crouching and walking is hard work when your legs are as long as mine. My adrenaline was beginning to flow. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I kept my rifle trained on the machine, but still, it did not move. Revs had a very keen aural sensor which allowed them to hear great distances. It was very sensitive to movement in all directions. That’s how the machines just appeared out of nowhere. They would be tracking you and moving on you before you even knew it. 

This thing stood about 7 feet tall. As I crept up on it, the wind began to blow a little harder, pushing the torn clothing out of the way. Sure enough, the thing had an exposed ribcage. It was not made of metal, though, not like its head. The head was definitely a Rev 2 model. It was the kind that looked most like a human skull. Its eyes were dark as midnight. A live Rev’s eyes glowed bright red. The bones in the chest area were human, bleached and bare. What the fuck was this? I got close enough to use the barrel of my rifle to push the shirt away. The arms were human bones. There were no legs. The whole body was just being held up by a metal stake. A scarecrow. 

Nicks, what kind of madness are you making? I shook my head and backed up. The statue of a demon, a monster, was too much to be close to. I could imagine it coming to life and crawling toward me, on hands and belly. Fuck that thing. 

I stood up and turned around to see all of you right behind me. I nearly screamed. I wasn’t expecting you all to be right there. You were stunned by the sight of the thing. You didn’t even see me. 

“What the hell?” You whispered. 

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s his version of Christ on the cross. A thing to worship? A warning to visitors, or us maybe? I don’t know. Let’s get the fuck out of here.” I put my hand on your shoulder to push you back around. You reluctantly followed, not willing to completely take your eyes off the thing. I had to admit, it was something to stand in awe of. It was grotesque and haunting. 

I spit back behind me, wanting to mark that thing as something I could live without; like skinners or slavers. I wondered if there were more that we hadn’t seen on the way in. I wondered who’s bones those were. How many of my old friends were out there with Rev heads? I shook the idea away, trying to focus on the job. 

The fire was still burning the closer we got to the fence. I could see the group standing around. I could hear them humming a song. I didn’t know what it was. It sounded a little like “Come to Jesus” in whole notes. Whatever it was, I didn’t care. 

Henry had set up by the west corner of the fence, behind a fallen tree. You were right with me, as always. Your presence soothed my nerves. I quietly locked and loaded. Aiming through the chain link fence, I put my crosshairs on one of Nicks’ henchmen. The red swath across his chest was a dead giveaway. He was blocking my view of Nicks. I hoped Henry had a better vantage point. 

I stared into the crowd, noticing finally that Nicks wasn’t even there. This might be harder than we thought. Nicks, though operating completely separate from reality, was smart. He had to know we’d be out here. The fire would likely attract Legion’s forces to the area. If he had a killing field set up somewhere close for his “sacrifices”, Legion must certainly frequent the fucking place like a local tavern. 

The singing stopped right as the sun peeked over the horizon. The first rays of light shone pink and red across the landscape. It was surreal, like I was in a dream. As the congregation stopped humming, they all dropped down to their knees in a circle around the fire. A henchman moved forward and began throwing more wood onto the base of the flame. 

I saw movement to my 11 o’clock. Nicks was coming out of the mess hall with another person. It was a girl. Just a fucking girl. It looked like her hands were bound behind her back. He was prodding her forward with a long stick. Not on my fucking watch, Nicks. I raised my rifle and put him right in my sights. I heard a soft click and turned to see Henry holding his fist up. Wait. 

“My good people!” Nicks bellowed into the dawn air. “This morning we pray to the Angels for safety from the outsiders. We know they’re here. We know they’re watching us. The outsiders must not be allowed to take over this place!” 

The congregation moaned in unison. Nicks pushed the girl toward the flames. 

“Oh no, you fucking don’t!” Henry yelled, stood, and opened fire on the group. Fuck! This wasn’t going to go as planned. All we wanted to do was take Nicks down. The entire group of people stood up, producing rifles and pistols from beneath their clothes. The motherfuckers were armed after all. 

I followed Henry’s lead, and began to shoot into the crowd. The first few shots rang out in quick succession from us. I heard bullets begin to whiz by my head and ricochet off the fence posts. I dropped back down behind the tree and pulled you down against me. The explosion behind us was deafening. Someone had planted a bomb to drive us forward into the camp. The plan worked. We all ran through the west gate, which was never locked, trying to find some cover behind the mess hall. 

I heard someone cry out. Henry. I pushed you in front of me. “Keep moving!” I turned back to see where Henry was. He was laying on the concrete, clutching his ankle. He was bleeding. Someone had shot him in the fucking foot. I ran to him, relying heavily on you to cover us. I heard you firing repeatedly into the dispersing crowd. Everyone was running for cover. 

I grabbed Henry under the shoulders and began to drag him toward you. He had dropped his rifle, but pulled out his Glock, firing at everything that moved. I could hear the women and children crying. I could hear the men yelling. The fire burned brighter with the added wood. That’s when I heard the distinct whirring sound somewhere in the distance. An HK was moving in. Goddamn you, Nicks. God damn you all to hell. 

“Get inside!” I yelled to you. Instead, you launched yourself forward, out of your cover, to help me with Henry. We hauled him back behind the mess hall. Fucking Edwards’ help would have been nice right about then. He chose to stay behind, babysitting Trystan and her sisters. I should have known better than to go into this with only three people. Henry was right. 

We ducked inside the mess hall as the HK rolled over top of the outpost. I could hear the metal feet on the concrete. We were all going to be dead in 30 seconds. 

I helped Henry sit at a table while you secured the door. I watched as you were about to slide a 2x4 between the floor and the door handle. It would have kept people out, but not the fucking machines. Something hit the door hard, sending you flying backward. I watched as all six of Nicks’ henchmen rushed into the mess hall. Nicks followed. They slammed the door shut and secured it as best as they could. 

I moved to help you up, keeping my rifle on the zealots. “Don’t even fucking breathe,” I told them. They all backed away and let me help you. We backed up slowly, away from them, regrouping with Henry. Suddenly, these men weren’t our biggest concern. We all now had a common enemy. 

“Is this part of your daily ritual, Nicks?” Henry grunted, acutely aware of his own pain. You dropped down to examine his foot, and began taking off his bloody boot. He bit down on his fist to stifle his cries of pain. 

“This, this?” Nicks looked toward the door. He looked confused, like he didn’t know how any of this had happened. We could all hear the screams and the shots from plasma guns. We all knew what was happening out there. 

“This, Nicks!” I hissed. I was trying to be quiet and not draw attention to us. “You did this to us, you fucking psycho!” I moved toward Nicks fast. I wanted to open the door and throw him out to his beloved “Angels”. It was what he deserved. Honestly, after that complete clusterfuck, it was probably something we all deserved. As I made my way to Nicks, one of his minions stepped between us. The guy was almost as tall as I was, but probably outweighed me by 100 lbs, easy. He had a pistol on him which he pointed directly at my head. I kept walking, not breaking eye contact with him. The guy geniunely looked scared, but he held fast. I walked right into the barrel of the gun, letting it touch my forehead. “Do it, you piece of shit.” I felt my entire body trembling. “Do it and let them know where we are. Let them come in here and end this fucking nightmare.” 

I wasn’t bluffing either. Sometimes, when death stares you in the face like that, you just have to greet it as a friend. Being shot in the head would by another human being would be a mercy compared to dying at the hands of the fucking machines. 

The henchman lowered the handgun. I reached out quickly, thinking I might disarm him, but his grip was tighter than I anticipated. I grabbed his hand with both of mine and put the barrel of the gun up under my chin. I never thought I would ever get to this point. 

“Please. Do it.” I stared the guy down, noticing that he was no older than I was. He might have even been younger than me. His eyes were wet, filling with tears. He didn’t want to be here any more than we did. He released the gun into my hands. 

“You’re fucking crazy.” He said as he backed away from me. I was trembling. My heart was pounding out of my chest. The gunshots outside had died down. It was only a matter of time before we were all found. 

“You have no idea. Can we get out the back?” I looked at all of them, Nicks included. The old man just stared in the direction of the door. He seemed to begin understanding what he had done. It was hard to say if he fully grasped reality anymore. It was clear to me that at least one of his lackeys didn’t want to be here. 

The kid nodded at me and jerked his head toward the back exit. “Go.” He whispered. 

This was our only chance to escape unnoticed. We had to leave Nicks behind. 

The gunshot was loud as fuck. It made my ears ring. In the moment of confusion, I watched Nicks fall. I saw Henry standing, his arm around you, and his pistol pointed in Nicks’ direction. 

Fuck. Now they knew where we were. 

“Let’s get the fuck out of here. Now!” I started moving to the back door as I heard the machines pounding their way through the front. Henry was going to slow us down.


End file.
